IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is important for students to work part-time while they are studying. Others think it is better for students to focus fully on their studies. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Firstly
Linking Words
, in my viewpoint working
while
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 studying
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be good. But it’s so dependent.It Has several conditions for their decision. As
student
Add an article
a student
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, you should study and if you need to
work
Use synonyms
 you can
work
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 simultaneously. Nowadays, economic circumstances started getting hard. That’s why
students
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 want to study their dream places or their dream schools it’s so normal all
students
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 would love to get a good job and good experience for their resume.
Students
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 can
work
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 for their financial responsibility and freedom rights. Sometimes go abroad for University etc. It can be so expensive that’s why youth would rather
work
Use synonyms
 in their
University’s
Change noun form
University
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 country
while
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 studying.
Major
Correct article usage
A major
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 matter
these
Change preposition
in these
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 situations is their financial problems they would like to have some coffee or go outside with their friends if they don’t have any money or freedom they can’t afford
this
Linking Words
 cost. If they have assets and they are prosperous they can afford these without looking at the prices unfortunately some families aren’t rich and they don’t possess that condition
students
Use synonyms
 want to
work
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 for a more appropriate life. By the way, it definitely depends on their country's result of if youth go to a cheaper country compared to Europe countries it will be a good choice for an affordable life.
Finally
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, I meant it to depend on any student's life and parents. If you don’t have money you should
work
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while
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 studying if you have assets you shouldn’t
work
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 because already you have financial freedom that’s why lean back and study as focused as you can.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider outlining your points clearly with paragraphs. Begin with a concise introduction that states the argument. Discuss one perspective per paragraph, providing evidence or examples, then conclude with your opinion.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that both sides of the argument are equally explored. Provide detailed, balanced discussion on why students might work part-time and why focusing entirely on studies might be beneficial.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument. These can be in the form of personal anecdotes, statistical information, or hypothetical scenarios that are clearly connected to your main points.
task response
Your essay discusses both perspectives on the topic, showing your understanding of the task requirements.
task response
The essay identifies economic circumstances as a reason for why students might choose part-time work, which is a relevant and important point.
task response
You have recognized the importance of individual circumstances, such as financial status, in influencing decisions about working while studying.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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