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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that government funding should be used to support the arts, while others think it is better spent on public services.

#people #government #support #arts #services
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The debate on whether government funding should be allocated to
arts
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 or public
services
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 is a longstanding issue.
While
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 some argue that it'd be better to prioritize
arts
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than
Change preposition
over
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 public
services
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, others advocate for investing in public service rather than investing in
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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. From my perspective, I reckon that
both
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 of these aspects play an indispensable role in social development;
however
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, public
services
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 should be prioritized
due to
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 the comprehensive
life
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 standard of inhabitants.
On the other hand
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, funding the
arts
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 is vital for cultural preservation and societal enrichment. Because
,
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apply
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 art is a means to preserve and promote national cultural values. It is not only about
aesthetic
Fix the agreement mistake
aesthetics
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 but
also
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 a testament to the historical heritage of a nation, which can preserve historical events and artistic knowledge for future generations.
Besides
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, artistic activities
relate
Change the form of the verb
related
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 to music,
theater
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theatre
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, and exhibitions enrich spiritual
life
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, providing comfort and fostering creativity. investing in the
arts
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 not only helps maintain cultural identity but
also
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 provides spiritual motivation for the community.
On the other hand
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, public service directly affects the social welfare and quality of
life
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 for the general population. Because
,
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apply
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 it plays an essential role in improving society and enhancing the
life
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 standard for citizens. One of the worth investing
public
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in public
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services
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 is
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 system, which helps protect community health and reduce diseases.
In addition
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, education and public safety play indispensable roles in helping build a safe, civilized, and
well educated
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well-educated
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 society.
For example
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, a developed country like Singapore always pays
a
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apply
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significant attention to their education system, which can ensure that
their
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the
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 future workforce will devote their best to their nation. Investing in public
services
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 directly addresses the basic needs of the population and builds a healthy, safe community. In conclusion, I believe
both
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 art and public
services
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 are important. Even Though public
services
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 should be prioritized, the
arts
Use synonyms
also
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 need appropriate support.
Furthermore
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, the government should allocate the budget reasonably to support
both
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 areas, as they
both
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 contribute to the development of society.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that each sentence contributes to developing that idea. This will enhance the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate each point. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates your ability to apply ideas in practical contexts.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and presents the writer's perspective effectively.
task achievement
The essay includes a balanced discussion of both perspectives and presents a well-reasoned conclusion.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow to the essay that makes it easy to follow the writer's argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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