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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should be allowed to make their own choices on everyday matters, such as food, clothes, and entertainment. Others believe that if children are given too much freedom, they will become selfish. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #freedom
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In the debate over how much
freedom
children
 should be given in everyday matters,
such
 as choosing food, clothes, or entertainment.
While
 some believe that it’s the
freedom
 of
children
 to fully decide their everyday tasks, others argue that if
children
 are granted excessive
freedom
, they may become
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
. From my perspective, I believe that
freedom
 is essential for every child to have, but it needs to be limited to a certain extent to prevent undesirable
consequences
.
On the other hand
, allowing
children
 to have excessive
freedom
 have various potential risks, so that
childrens’
Change noun form
children’s
show examples
freedom
 must be limited within
boundaries
. In terms of perception, individuals who are at a young age don’t develop it comprehensively. That’s why, being given too much
freedom
 can foster
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a sense of entitlement and
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
 behaviour.
Therefore
,
boundaries
 are essential to help
children
 understand social responsibilities. By learning
boundaries
,
children
 will understand that their actions have
consequences
,
helps
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 them navigate social norms and expectations,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
 it easier for them to interact harmoniously within their community.
Children
's education must be a combination of
freedom
 and
boundaries
.
Freedom
 allows
children
 to explore, learn, and develop their individuality,
while
boundaries
 provide a sense of security and structure.
This
 balance helps
children
 grow into well-rounded individuals.
Children
 should be allowed to make their own choices,
such
 as selecting their clothes or planning their activities,
empowers
Correct pronoun usage
which empowers
show examples
 them to think independently. Meanwhile, guiding them to consider the
consequences
 of their choices teaches responsibility. In conclusion,
freedom
 plays an indispensable role in the development of
children
,but being given too much
freedom
 can make them become selfish.
As a result
, they should be given choice in their daily matters but within
boundaries
 in order to prevent the various potential
consequences
.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Be more careful with your paragraph structure to ensure clarity. Each paragraph should have a clear single focus.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, setting the context and summarizing your position effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logical and flows well, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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