IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids.

#parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #carers #kids
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Nowadays, most parents spend most of the day working and do not have time to care for their
children
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. Some parents give their
children
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 to their
grandparents
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 to take care of them.
However
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,
this
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 causes problems in the proper upbringing of
children
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. Because we know that
grandparents
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 always give their grandchildren what they want. Things that are forbidden at home are not forbidden at your
grandparents
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' house.
Accordingly
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,
children
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 always try to stay away from home and want to stay at their
grandparents
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' house, where everything they want is done.
This
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 has a negative effect on the
growing
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growth
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and upbringing of the child. Preschool is best for
children
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. First of all, there are many activities for
children
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's development in preschool. They have few peers around them, and
this
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 has a positive effect on the child's development. In
this
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 way, the child will have the ability to
communication
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communicate
show examples
 easily. Some parents are worried when sending their
children
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 to preschool because they don't know what kind of atmosphere their
children
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 will be. but if they are closely examined, it can be seen that education and training in preschool
has
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have
show examples
 improved even more.
According to
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 an experiment conducted in Finland,
children
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 raised in preschool and with
grandparents
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 are divided into 2 groups. When 2 groups were compared, the
children
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 who went to preschool were more active and more motivated,
while
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 the
children
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 with their
grandparents
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 were more passive and crying.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, including an introduction and a conclusion. This helps in organizing your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Clarify your points further, particularly when discussing the benefits of preschool over grandparents. This could be achieved by discussing more detailed attributes of preschool education.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives of the issue, discussing both childcare centers and grandparents.
task achievement
The use of an example from Finland adds credibility to your argument, showing that you have considered real-world scenarios.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the benefits of preschool for child development and provides reasons for this viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured educational environment
  • early childhood education
  • stimulating activities
  • cognitive and social development
  • peer interaction
  • social skills
  • fostering independence
  • personalized and emotionally supportive environment
  • sense of security
  • emotional well-being
  • wealth of life experience
  • cultural values and traditions
  • enriching upbringing
  • familiar environment
  • structured activities
  • social interaction
  • hybrid approach
  • well-rounded experience
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