IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#process #species #e #g #dinosaur #dodos… #reason #people
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It is explicit that a lot of
species
had been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 disappeared
due to
 the climate change caused by human
species
. Some
people
 believe that
humans
 are not responsible for
this
 extinction.
However
, I aggressively assert that
people
 have to protect nature
due to
 the responsibility that
humans
 have
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
and
sustainability
Correct article usage
the sustainability
show examples
 of
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
species
.
Firstly
,
humans
 have been predators of nature for a long time and are accused of most of the
destroiation
Correct your spelling
destruction
. Especially, since the 19th century, when industrialization began,
people
 have conducted lots of harm to nature.
For example
, fossils have been used as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human critical resources and fossils are one of the causes of climate change.
Furthermore
, a variety of
species
 are helpful for human sustainability. Because animal
species
 are important
humans'
Change preposition
to humans'
show examples
 food resources and medical materials.
For example
,
mostly
Rephrase
most
show examples
 consumed animal
species
 of
people
 are concentrated to a few
species
,
such
 as cow, pig, and chicken.
Consequently
,
this
 could cause severe failure of food control and lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
global starvation. In conclusion,
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 for destroying
Add an article
the eco
show examples
eco system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
 and
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
show examples
 to protect future resources apparently support my viewpoint. For these reasons, it is evident that
people
 must protect various animal
species
 from disappearing. disagree - 19세기의 산업화부터 인간은 여러 종의 멸종에 관여해왔다. 책임이 없다 볼 수 없다. - 다양한 종은 인간에게도 도움이 된다. 의학적 지식의 원천이며, 인간의 보존을 위한 식량 자원이 될 것이다.
Submitted by ellykim419 on

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support
Expand on your relevant specific examples to better illustrate your points. Including more specific data or case studies can enrich your argument and help in clearly demonstrating your knowledge of the topic.
connect
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to clearly link your ideas together. This can help the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
structure
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument and ensuring the reader understands your perspective from start to finish.
content
You provide a balanced discussion on the topic, addressing both the role of humans in environmental degradation and the importance of biodiversity to human sustainability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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