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Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
population of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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Add a missing verb
has increase
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increase
Replace the word
increased
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 from
younger
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the younger
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 generation in recent years.some
people
believes
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believe
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 that
this
 issue the number of young
adults
 employed in
society
 causes an improved nation compared to the old employed
people
 in the countries,
while
 some other ideas are the experience of old
people
 should be used for improving the community. To commence with the first idea,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
adults
 are
growth
Correct article usage
a growth
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 factor of
increased
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the increased
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 educational level of
society
 employed in different areas in a country can cause both increased qualification for goods
as well as
 services and decreased qualification in
society
.
Thus
 , it is better to use the experience of old
people
.
Furthermore
, increasing the number of young
adults
 in a nation can cause a surge in happiness and productivity in a community. On the flip side,
minority
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a minority
the minority
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 of
people
 believe that employing elders in the administration
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
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 of the country can be very useful, but can cause a decrease in production .
Therefore
, they think that young
adults
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have manners and responsibility as much as old
people
 and they need to be in
production
Correct article usage
a production
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positin
Correct your spelling
position
 not in
management
Add an article
the management
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 section, it can increase the efficiency of the aforementioned items. Because the experience of older
people
 helps young
adults
 a lot.
To conclude
, employing young
adults
 can increase the efficiency in the administration and product affairs of the community because
generation z
Correct your spelling
Generation Z
show examples
 solving issues is fenaminal. So, casing surged the quality of goods and services in a
society
.
Submitted by mobina.shahabbasian on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis with detailed arguments. Try to include more specific examples or data to corroborate your claims.
coherence cohesion
Make sure there is a clear connection between your ideas. Transitional words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Pay attention to sentence structures and clarity. Ensure each sentence contributes directly to the argument to avoid redundancy.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically considers both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes and restates the argument, providing a clear final position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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