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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, when student did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these developments? You should use your own idea,knowledge and experience

#student #university #study #country #opportunity #developments #idea
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In previous
epoches
Correct your spelling
epochs
, learn their preferred to
study
Use synonyms
 in their own area for graduating and university.
however
Linking Words
, these days
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have more choices to
study
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foreign
Change preposition
in foreign
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. My perspective is nowadays there are a
lot
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 of
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for
students
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for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 their knowledge. Through studying abroad. They can find
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 situation or maybe
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 major for themselves. In the present era, there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
countries
Use synonyms
 that accept many
students
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 from other nations. Some of them consider scholarships and
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very helpful for pupils. Some of them
also
Linking Words
 provide accommodation for
students
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. They want to attract
students
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 who are really smart and
intelligence
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intelligent
show examples
 with entrance exams.
This
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 education position helps
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student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 who
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
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 have
prepared
Correct article usage
a prepared
show examples
Change preposition
for she
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she
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 situation, or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can’t
except
Correct your spelling
accept
show examples
 desired major in their own
country
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. They can experience leaving other places aspect of their own area,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 try hard to receive their degree in competition with
other
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another student
other students
show examples
student
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 who all of them have migrated to acquire knowledge, and they are real
students
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my
country
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, there are a
lot
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 of obstacles
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 accepting
Correct article usage
a favorites
show examples
favorites
Fix the agreement mistake
favorite
show examples
 major. Many
students
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 try to migrate abroad to
study
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they believe there
aren’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
isn’t
show examples
fair
Correct article usage
a fair
show examples
 education system.
However
Linking Words
, there are a
lot
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 of disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
First,
Linking Words
a considerable segment of
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 after migration for
study
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, decide to stay in the same
country
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 forever.
This
Linking Words
 decision leads to
injure
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injuring
show examples
 to
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of their own
country
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, because their own
country
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lose
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loses
show examples
 its young generation, and
also
Linking Words
 educated people.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these
countries
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 can’t improve their industry, and they fall compared to other
countries
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.
Second,
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students
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 who migrate to
study
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, after many time,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffer from frustration and disappointment, because they are separated from their
family
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families
show examples
 and hometown and
also
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 they
are faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 culture shock . They do not
underestand
Correct your spelling
understand
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves, but in future, they will
alter to
Verb problem
become
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 sad people and
consequently
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, they will lose their life expectancy, and will not enjoy
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life
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lives
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some disadvantages,
such
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 as
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
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 the
country
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, and maybe
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
depression
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
, are negative points of
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 abroad,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 can find their talents in
Correct pronoun usage
their favorite
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
 in other
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is a big opportunity for them
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
 and
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
.
Submitted by mellika.sadeghi1 on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, try to integrate more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Additionally, work on making your ideas more comprehensive by elaborating on each point in more detail.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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