The proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998

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The table compares the share of income that adults and children spent on four common categories of goods in the UK in 1998.
Overall
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,
while
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the adults,men and women spent most of their income on “food”,the children,boys and girls spent their earnings on “music”.
To begin
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with,in adults, the highest figure was “food”25% when in “electronic
equipment”
Use synonyms
and “music” was about 5%,in “videos” it was only 1% In men, the highest level
also
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was “food” at 14%,a little less was “electronic equipment” at 10%,twice as little was “music”at 5%,and the lowest index was “videos” at just 2%. Women are
also
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almost similar, “food” was the biggest figure 39%,and “electronic equipment” was only 1%.
While
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“music” was 5%,the index in “videos” was 0,5%. In terms of children,the top figure was “music” at 39%,a little less was “electronic equipment” at 23%,”videos” were a little boon “food” at 12% and 10%. The highest level in boys was “music” at 38%,meanwhile, the “electronic equipment” and “videos” were the same at 18%,and the “food” was twice as little “food”. The
last
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part of people was girls when the biggest proposition was “music” at 40%,the “video” was 17%,the “food” was 11%,and almost two times less was “electronic equipment “at 5%.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear logical flow in your writing. Although you have structured the essay into different segments, the transitions between them could be smoother to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that effectively sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes the key points. Currently, the essay lacks a comprehensive introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Make sure to provide detailed and specific examples to support the main points you are making. More elaboration is needed on the statistical data to enhance task response.
task achievement
You have identified the main categories and presented the data logically by comparing different groups.
task achievement
The essay covers various aspects and groups mentioned in the table, aiming to provide a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is segmented into paragraphs that compare spending across different groups, which aids in clarity.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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