IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write about the following topic. There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#topic #people #countries #move #minutes
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Many
people
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 decide to move abroad and leave the countries they grew up in. It is currently discussed whether
this
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 decision should be made freely or not,
as well as
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 how beneficial
this
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 behaviour can be for the
people
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 involved.
This
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 essay will address these two issues in turn. I strongly believe every person should have the right to settle anywhere they want to, as the benefits of doing so outweigh its drawbacks. The first point to consider is that
people
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 should stay in the country which suits better their personal preferences. Societies are structured by different values and principles, and it is evident that citizens can relate to them more or less. Life is too short to waste time in places which don´t improve
people
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´s welfare.
Thus
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, every person should have the right to live in a society
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
 feel more comfortable within a cultural, religious and political frame.
For instance
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, Christians can´t accept living in Muslim communities as they don´t share the same religious values.
However
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, it is true that cultural barriers between countries can make it difficult for
people
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 to settle in new places. Prejudices and stereotypes may arise, resulting in a negative impact on the bond immigrants try to create in the new society.
Nevertheless
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, if native
people
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 are open-minded, they will socially accept any visitor they meet.
This
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 way,
people
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 would educate themselves with new cultures, enhancing their knowledge.
To sum up
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, there is an important contested trend by which
people
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 decide to live abroad. Citizens should make
this
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 decision freely to suit their personal preferences.
This
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 behaviour may result in a culturally enriching experience, though it can lead to social conflicts
in particular
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 situations. Personally, I hope societies will keep an open mindset and allow
people
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 to educate themselves by moving around the world freely.
Submitted by r.garciaplez on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on specific examples related to cultural differences and how they affect individuals' decisions to relocate.
task achievement
Develop more balanced arguments by presenting more specific drawbacks alongside the benefits discussed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context and addresses the two main issues to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and reiterates the author's personal opinion, which enhances the cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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