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Writing Samples /
Band 3

It is argued that parents of children who break the law should be punished as they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#it #parents #children #law #children’s #actions
Parents
 are the primary
caregiver
Fix the agreement mistake
caregivers
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 have the main
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 to teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moral values
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
.
However
,
parents
 should not be punished if their
children
 break the law. The parent's responsibility is
installing
Change the verb form
to install
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value in their
children
 but not to take the burden of
children
's
misbehavior
Change the spelling
misbehaviour
show examples
 actions. Anyone could not be punished based on anyone else's false, including the
parents
. If the
children
 do any action which is indicated as
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
, the
children
 have to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility. It seems unjust if the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 have to be punished for any action they did not do.
However
, the
parents
 still
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 or parenting programs provided by the government.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 programs will help the
parents
 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better parenting and better knowledge about how to teach
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
.
Moreover
,
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
 the punishment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
parents
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not solve the problem. It will not give any lesson to the
children
. The
children
 will think that the parent will take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility if they
have
Verb problem
take
show examples
 criminal action.
Submitted by dimitriswasthika on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on whether parents should be punished for their children's unlawful actions. However, it could benefit from more thorough explanations and examples to fully support your viewpoint.
coherence
The essay is organized with an introduction, but the conclusion could be more distinct and reflective, summarizing the key points of your argument.
task response
The essay offers a clear stance on the issue by stating that parents should not be punished for their children's unlawful actions.
coherence
There is a logical flow in ideas from the introduction to the body paragraphs, which helps in conveying the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accountability
  • responsibility
  • moral and ethical values
  • socio-economic factors
  • peer pressure
  • media influence
  • justice system
  • external factors
  • parenting workshops
  • counseling services
  • community programs
  • behavioral change
  • autonomous decision-making
  • legal and ethical limits
What to do next:
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