IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first man to walk on the moon said Space exploration was going to change mankind's life. Some people argue that it made only a little change to our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#first #man #moon #space #exploration #change #mankind #life #people #lives
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Apollo 11 was the first ever spacecraft with astronauts which landed
the
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on the
show examples
 moon and came back to
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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 in one piece. It was said that the first step set on the moon was supposed to change the whole
humankind's
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of humankind's
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 life,
however
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however,
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 normal people think
otherwise
. I believe that
this
occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 has had
it's affect
Correct your spelling
its effect
show examples
 on our lives, but
this
 has yet to become a significant effect. On one hand, the scientists and spacemen who designed and deployed the "Apollo 11" mission believe that
this
 big step outside
earth
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Earth
show examples
 has impacted our lives greatly. From the project
contributers'
Correct your spelling
contributors'
 point of view,
space
 exploration can lead to finding new sources of energy, development in communication technologies using
satelites
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satellites
satellite
 and even finding a planet for a better
tommorow
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tomorrow
 in
far
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the far
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 future. In my opinion, it is true that when mankind became able
of setting
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to set
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 foot in
space
, things changed for
better
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the better
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.
As we
Correct word choice
We
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 can see tremendous developments in the technologies we use today and we are able to observe deeper in
the
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apply
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outer
space
 to get a better understanding of the world we live in.
On the other hand
, people living in the nation believe that the
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 made to our
life
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lives
show examples
 caused by these projects are so little,
although
 costing fortunes. Most of them suggest that the resources used for
space
 exploration can be used in areas with more tangible
affects
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effects
show examples
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 they have a point, I believe the contrary; because the outcome
to
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of
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 most of what we are doing in
space
 now is
longterm
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long-term
show examples
 and will eventually show up in years. In conclusion, I must say that
while
 people are right about more visible changes that can be made to
community
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the community
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 for good, in order to constantly
evolving
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evolve
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 and
growing
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grow
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 we have to keep learning about our world and its
surrounding
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surroundings
show examples
.
Submitted by sara.ahmadian2598 on

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task achievement
Provide specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments, especially when discussing the impact of space exploration.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more consistently to ensure seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, enhancing readability.
task achievement
You provide a well-rounded discussion of both views regarding the impact of space exploration.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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