IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Bristol University in 1928, 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Bristol University in 1928, 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #student #enrolments #bristol #university #summarise #features #comparisons
the table shows the
number
 of
students
 who attended
Bristol
University
 in the three years 1928, 1958, and 2008, with an emphasis on the distribution of men and
womenby
Correct your spelling
women by
women
 country of origin.
Overall
, enrollment at
Bristol
University
 increased dramatically throughout that time, with a rise in the proportion of female
students
 and a fall in the
number
 of male
students
.
Furthermore
,
while
 the
number
 of
students
 enrolling at
Bristol
University
 from outside of
Bristol
 increased, the percentage from within 30 miles of
Bristol
 decreased. In 1928, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 only 218
scholar
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars
show examples
 who had taken admission into the
university
 which contains 42% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and 58% of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and half of them came from within 30 miles of the
university
 campus. Out of 218, there are only 5% of undergraduates came from 3 other nations. Meanwhile, by 1958, the total
number
 of
students
 getting admission increased 5 folds but
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decline of 10% in
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 gender
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 observed
as well as
 a decline in people from the nearby area is
also
 noticed. After 50 years, the
number
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 getting admission increased 6 times and reached 6377
whereas
 the population of females in
university
 had reached its peak of 54%
while
 most
students
 now came from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
faraway places as more the one-quarter of
freshman
Fix the agreement mistake
freshmen
show examples
 were now from 98 foreign place
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, bristol, university with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: