Some people think that children are having too much free time and this time should be used to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement
Over the
last
few years, there has
been significant arguments about Change the verb form
have
amount
of free time that children have, it would be needed better management. Add an article
the amount
While
some people hold the view that this
time should to
devote on more Change the verb form
apply
study
, I believe that vocational skills and physical Replace the word
studying
acttivities
are more important.
In Correct your spelling
activities
this
essay, I will present reason
to support Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
view.
One of the main reason
I believe that in the modern world that we have been living, Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
an
experience by far more important than any diplomas or certifications. Correct your spelling
that
I
should be noted that we must not underestimate the study's advantages. Correct pronoun usage
It
However
, from my prespective
, children have already been spending sufficient Correct your spelling
perspective
times
in their schools, it could be better if they allocate Fix the agreement mistake
time
rest
of their Correct article usage
the rest
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
on
some Change preposition
to
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
such
as communicating, improving their creatively
or even Replace the word
creativity
be
Wrong verb form
being
tought
cooking, online working and so on.
Correct your spelling
taught
thought
In addition
, physical acttivities
Correct your spelling
activities
such
as learning new sport contributes to my view. I am favour
of the idea Change preposition
in favour
of
children should be Change preposition
that
tought
one sport. because Correct your spelling
taught
mostly
of them Correct your spelling
most
spending
a lot of hours on the screen without any motion. If Wrong verb form
spend
this
trend continue
, the kids absolutely will be suffering from physical Change the verb form
continues
pains
. What's more, kids would learn about teamwork Fix the agreement mistake
pain
during
playing, as Change preposition
while
a soccer
, each Remove the article
soccer
a game of soccer
members
of Change to a singular noun
member
team
totally Add an article
the team
underestand
what Correct your spelling
understand
is
their duties on Change the verb form
are
pitch
Add an article
the pitch
a pitch
such
as a goal keeper
or forwards and for Correct your spelling
goalkeeper
Correct article usage
the wining
wining
team, they have to collaborate together well.
Correct your spelling
winning
To sum up
, I strongly believe everything is not about study and we should take into account another factors
likeReplace the adjective
another factor
other factors
,
manual skills or physical or even mental health. I think the benefits of devoting Remove the comma
apply
on
other Change preposition
to
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
along with
education outweigh the drawbacks.Submitted by mahyarnaseri on
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coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly well-structured, but ensure to follow a clear and logical order throughout. Each paragraph should lead naturally to the next, and within paragraphs, sentences should flow coherently from one to another.
task achievement
While the essay provides some specific examples, try to elaborate further and provide even more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
language
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay to enhance readability.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic clearly and takes a distinct stance, making it easy for the reader to understand the writer's perspective.
supported main points
The writer makes a commendable attempt to provide reasons for their viewpoint, and these are generally clear and supported by examples.
task achievement
There is a good effort to address different aspects like vocational skills and physical activities, which enrich the discussion beyond just academic study.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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