IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #mobility
In
Correct article usage
the modren
show examples
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 day,
technology
 become something very
crucail
Correct your spelling
crucial
 in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
due to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 benefits.
This
 essay will discuss why
technology
 brought many advantages to human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
, compared to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 drawbacks. To start with,
technology
provid
Correct your spelling
provide
provides
 flexibility , so
people
 can make a balance between their
jobes
Correct your spelling
jobs
show examples
 duty and their family.
Anothe
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Another
 advantage is that
technology
save
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saves
show examples
 time and money.
to
Capitalize word
To
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 explain, many
people
 are suffering from traffic
jam
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jams
show examples
 they attend late
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their workplace and through
this
technology
people
finsh
Correct your spelling
finish
 their
work
 duty from their house in
easy
Change the article
an easy
show examples
 way and in a short time. Covid-19 is one of the best
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
, during
this
 pandemic
people
work
 from their places.
However
,
peple
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people
 who
work
 outside their workplace are more productive because they feel comfortable when they finish their workshop in another
place
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 any boundaries.
In contrast
, working outside
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some negative impact on employees. First of all,
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 will lose their ability to interact with others and they will be less social because they are far away
frome
Correct your spelling
from
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 environment, the
place
 that allows
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
.
Secondly
, some
people
 face
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 challenges in
network
Add an article
the network
a network
show examples
, they do not know how to use it or they are in
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 that
so
Add a missing verb
is so
show examples
 far
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
difficult for them to use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
. In conclusion, through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
people
 can do their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any time and
place
 easily. so, working outside
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
 has fewer cons and far more pros to offer to its members and the country.
Submitted by Loody on

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task achievement
Ensure each point is fully developed with clear examples. The essay could benefit from more specific examples rather than general statements.
task achievement
Pay attention to misspellings and grammatical errors. Consider reviewing common spelling and grammar rules.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas into clear paragraphs for each point introduced, to explicitly connect supporting arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transition words and phrases to enhance the logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clearly structured introduction and conclusion, which summarizes the overall argument effectively.
task achievement
Attempts to provide arguments for both benefits and disadvantages, reflecting a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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