Young people who commit serious crimes such as roberry or violent attacts should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some unacceptable
behaviour
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviours
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
which is forcing
Wrong verb form
that force
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reinforcement, regulation or even punishment. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly
agreee
Correct your spelling
agree
that these people
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
to be punished. There are two main reasons as
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having a proper punishment can lead
Change preposition
to the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense of
guilty
Replace the word
guilt
show examples
. Under
develeping
Correct your spelling
developing
nations, it is believed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of adults are well educated.
Therefore
Linking Words
, violent
Correct your spelling
attacks
attacts
Correct your spelling
attacks
or
roberry
Correct your spelling
robbery
are
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
It is important to elaborate on your points. The essay begins well with the topic introduction but lacks further development of ideas. Try to elaborate on each point regarding why young offenders should or should not be punished as adults.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the essay forms a complete and logical argument. Structure your ideas with clear, identifiable paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. This will help convey your argument clearly.
Task Response
Use specific examples to support your points. This will enhance task response by providing concrete evidence to back up your claims.
Task Response
The introduction provides a clear stance on the topic, expressing a strong opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay touches on important themes related to crime and punishment.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: