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Band 3

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? af

#countries #smoke #places #people #af
In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 it is now illegal to
smoke
 in public places.
This
 is real that smoking among a lot of
people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
lungs
Correct article usage
the lungs
show examples
. The other reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 wish to
smoke
 should leave outside, because it violates safety rules. In the first
place
, smoking is very harmful to our health, and there are always bad consequences. As scientists show, smoking is the biggest enemy of humanity. Now, there are many videos
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media about smoking and how
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
influence
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
. It is like
video
Correct article usage
a video
show examples
 where
bottle
Correct article usage
a bottle
show examples
 with
smoke
 and
without
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, it shows the human lungs. It is clearly seen how the organism dies. In the second
place
, usage
smoke
Change preposition
of smoke
show examples
 in every
place
 can
injury
Correct your spelling
injure
show examples
 to environment. It can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cause a fire inside the
place
 and can
be start
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 the fire, because of
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
smoke
. It is recognized and
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
show examples
 everywhere
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 show safety rules.
For example
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Russia had a huge problem with
smoke
. Every
russian
Change the capitalization
Russian
show examples
people
 are
smoke
 everywhere and they do not care, but
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 do not know what danger
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they cause. For
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
people
 must be more careful with the environment. In conclusion,
smoke
 is a hazardous product. I believe that more countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will take care of their health and comply with measures for free.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are consistent and clearly supported by examples that are directly relevant.
task achievement
Make sure to introduce a clear thesis in your introduction that directly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
Develop more comprehensive ideas that directly address all parts of the task, including both the reasons and potential counterarguments.
task achievement
The essay identifies and introduces key reasons supporting the ban on smoking in public places.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is effectively used to summarize the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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