IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? be

#countries #smoke #places #people
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Nowadays it is illegal to
smoke
Use synonyms
 in public
places
Use synonyms
 in many countries.People believe that those who consume
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cigarettes should
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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leave the building.I agree with
this
Linking Words
 policy.
And in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss how smoking in public
places
Use synonyms
 can harm people, even those who do not
smoke
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,enforcing a smoking ban in public
places
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 helps protect non-smokers from exposure to secondhand
smoke
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.Passive smoking is more dangerous than active smoking
,
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apply
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 because the
smoke
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 that comes off the burning end of a cigarette contains a greater proportion of toxic compounds compared to the
smoke
Use synonyms
 inhaled by the smoker. Studies have shown that inhaling secondhand
smoke
Use synonyms
 can lead to numerous health problems,
such
Linking Words
 as respiratory issues, heart disease, and even cancer.
For example
Linking Words
, smoking in public is illegal in 17%
countries
Change preposition
of countries
show examples
 of modern society
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason.
Secondly
Linking Words
, allowing smoking indoors can be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative example for
children
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.When
children
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 see adults smoking in public
places
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, they may interpret
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 as acceptable or even appealing.
This
Linking Words
 exposure can influence their perception, leading them to believe that smoking is a normal or "cool" activity to try.By keeping smoking out of public spaces, we reduce the chances of
children
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 seeing it as a regular
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, helping them understand that it is harmful and not something they should copy.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 33%
countries
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of countries
show examples
 where smoking in public is not prohibited,teenagers and
children
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 under the age of 16 are known to
smoke
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. In conclusion, banning smoking in public
places
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 and requiring smokers to go outside is a fair and necessary measure. It protects non-smokers from a lot of diseases, keeps public spaces cleaner, and sets a healthier example for younger generations too.
This
Linking Words
 policy contributes to a safer and healthier society for everyone.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Try to add a brief overview sentence in your introduction to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions could be smoother for better flow.
task achievement
The essay concludes effectively, summarizing the key points and reaffirming your stance.
task achievement
Supporting examples are relevant and well connected to the main points, strengthening your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
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