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Band 5.5

People today spend less and less time interacting with other people in their neighborhood and this has a negative impact on community. What are the causes and solutions? by

#people #time #neighborhood #impact #community
Nowadays,
people
 less and less time interacting with other livers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their neighborhood.
This
 lack of social
interaction
 leads to
people
 losing contact with each other, which can cause many other problems too. In
this
 essay, I will explore the causes of
this
 issue and suggest possible solutions, with an emphasis on how reduced socialization can hinder
people
’s ability to help one another in times of need and the most viable solution is
community
events
 that
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
people
 together. One reason for the decline in social
interaction
 is the growth of technology. With the rise of smartphones and social media,
people
 spend more time online
instead
 of meeting others face to face. They can talk to their friends or family on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, which reduces the need to speak to
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 in person. Another reason is the busy lifestyle many
people
 have. In big cities,
people
 often work long hours and spend a lot of time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
.
As a result
, they are too tired or busy to talk to their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
This
 makes it difficult to build a sense of
community
.
This
 lack of
interaction
 can cause problems.
For example
, if someone loses their pet, they may not have anyone nearby to help them search or offer support. If
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 are not connected, they are less likely to offer assistance in times of need. To solve
this
 problem, local governments could organize
community
events
such
 as festivals, markets, or sports activities. These
events
 would help
people
 meet and get to know each other.
Also
,
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
 can be designed with shared spaces like parks or
community
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 where
people
 can gather.
Finally
, local social media platforms could encourage
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 to connect and share information with each other. In conclusion, the decrease in
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
interaction
 is caused by technology and busy lifestyles.
However
 , organizing
events
 and creating spaces for
people
 to meet can help rebuild stronger communities.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, try to incorporate more varied and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Consider providing more concrete instances of how technology or busy lifestyles specifically prevent neighborhood interaction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to elevate coherence and cohesion. Consider using more linking phrases to better connect each paragraph with the next, maintaining the flow of thoughts.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded response to the task by presenting potential causes and solutions of decreased neighborhood interaction.
coherence cohesion
Clear articulation of ideas with an effective introductory and concluding paragraph frames the essay well, ensuring readers grasp the main insights shared.
coherence cohesion
Effective structure with logical flow between the causes of the problem and proposed solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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