The given pie charts show the kinds of subjects Korean students generally choose to study in their private lesson.

#show #kinds #subjects #korean #students #study #lesson

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There are three pie charts which illustrate the proportion of four different

Korean

Use synonyms

subjects applied as their private lesson.Each pie chart displays a student’s preference in each

year

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which are the years 1960,1980 and 2000.

Overall

Linking Words

,it can be seen that in the first two decades,

Korean

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students

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selected Math as their top priority

whereas

Linking Words

English became the most enrolled subject in the

year

Use synonyms

2000.

To begin

Linking Words

with,the percentage of

Korean

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students

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choosing English increased in the periods given,starting from 23% to

reach

Wrong verb form

reaching

show examples

the peak at 50%

while

Linking Words

Math showed the opposite tendency.

Although

Linking Words

in the

year

Use synonyms

1960,almost half of the

Korean

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students

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selected Math in their private section,the percentage declined gradually to reach the lowest at just over a third.

Also

Linking Words

, Science had a similar downward trend with a more rapid decrease.It occupied 30% in the

year

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1960 followed by a slight drop to 29% in the

year

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1980.

However

Linking Words

,after that

year

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,Science significantly decreased to 8% in the

year

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2000.

Lastly

Linking Words

,Others had a minority of

Korean

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students

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chosen accounting for 2% at first with a minimal increase to 7% in the

year

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2000.

Submitted by chawanat.pla on Tue Nov 12 2024

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words korean, year, students with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

178 words

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The given pie charts show the kinds of subjects Korean students generally choose to study in their private lesson.

Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion including relevant examples.

Some people think that the best wat to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative wats or reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the enviroment. Do the disadvantages of International tourism outweight the advantages?