The given pie charts show the kinds of subjects Korean students generally choose to study in their private lesson.

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There are three pie charts which illustrate the proportion of four different

Korean

Use synonyms

subjects applied as their private lesson.Each pie chart displays a student’s preference in each

year

Use synonyms

which are the years 1960,1980 and 2000.

Overall

Linking Words

,it can be seen that in the first two decades,

Korean

Use synonyms

students

Use synonyms

selected Math as their top priority

whereas

Linking Words

English became the most enrolled subject in the

year

Use synonyms

2000.

To begin

Linking Words

with,the percentage of

Korean

Use synonyms

students

Use synonyms

choosing English increased in the periods given,starting from 23% to

reach

Wrong verb form

reaching

show examples

the peak at 50%

while

Linking Words

Math showed the opposite tendency.

Although

Linking Words

in the

year

Use synonyms

1960,almost half of the

Korean

Use synonyms

students

Use synonyms

selected Math in their private section,the percentage declined gradually to reach the lowest at just over a third.

Also

Linking Words

, Science had a similar downward trend with a more rapid decrease.It occupied 30% in the

year

Use synonyms

1960 followed by a slight drop to 29% in the

year

Use synonyms

1980.

However

Linking Words

,after that

year

Use synonyms

,Science significantly decreased to 8% in the

year

Use synonyms

2000.

Lastly

Linking Words

,Others had a minority of

Korean

Use synonyms

students

Use synonyms

chosen accounting for 2% at first with a minimal increase to 7% in the

year

Use synonyms

2000.

chawanat.plaTue Nov 12 2024

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words korean, year, students with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

178 words

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Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying a product (such as cell phone) or a service (e.g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

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