IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge & experience

#people #children #home #child’s #development #school #methods #reason
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Some people think that teaching
children
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 at
home
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 is the best for the development of a child
while
Linking Words
others
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 believe that
children
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 should go to
school
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 for their development. I personally believe that
while
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 teaching at
home
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 offers
children
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 to learn about their family
values
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 and
culture
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, going to
school
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 is the best option because it helps
children
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 to learn about the outside
world
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. Teaching at
home
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 helps
children
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 to learn about their family
values
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 and
culture
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. At
home
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,
children
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 are taught by their
parents
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 and
parents
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 teach
children
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 the
values
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, norms and
culture
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 of their family. From their
parents
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,
children
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 learn to behave, greet
with
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apply
show examples
others
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, and instil the
values
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 of their families in them.
As a result
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, these learnings shape their characteristics in the future.
For example
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,
children
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 in Japan, compulsorily learn their family
values
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 and norms till
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 age of five at
home
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.
However
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, I personally believe that knowing about the outer
world
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 is
very
Rephrase
more
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 important than learning family
values
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. If
children
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 go to
school
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for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
, they can learn about the outside
world
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. At
school
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, they learn with their
peers
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 in a classroom, and they learn about the
culture
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 and behaviours of
others
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. They have the opportunity
of
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to
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comunicating
Correct your spelling
communicating
 with their
peers
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 from different
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 and languages.
As a consequence
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, they know about the outside
world
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, and it broadens their outlook.
For example
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,
children
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 in Bangladesh start going to
school
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 at
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 age of 3 which helps them to learn by interacting with their
peers
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.
Therefore
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, I personally believe that learning at
school
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 is more beneficial because
children
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 can learn from their
peers
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. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
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 learning from their
parents
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 allows
children
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 to learn about their family
values
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 and
culture
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, going to
school
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 helps them to learn about the
culture
Use synonyms
 and behaviours of
others
Use synonyms
 which broadens their outlook.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Ensure a more balanced discussion by elaborating further on the advantages of teaching at home.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clarity by ensuring all sentences are free of minor grammatical errors, such as 'comunicating' which should be 'communicating'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, contributing to a coherent structure.
task response
Well-supported main points with relevant examples, enhancing the persuasiveness of the argument.
task response
Clear, comprehensive ideas that respond directly to the essay prompt.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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