IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive and a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
In the present time, it has become more convenient for a large number of
people
 to cure themselves at home rather than properly consulting doctors. To my mind,
this
 is a negative approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 taking
medicines
 without proper guidance. There is no doubt that
people
relying
Wrong verb form
rely
show examples
 more on painkillers to mitigate and treat their
health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 and pain in their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. For one thing,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is common that
such
medicines
 are easily available at every drugstore.
Secondly
, they are
also
 cheaper in price, which can be bought in maximum quantity to keep them available at home.
Therefore
, when
people
 feel pain,
such
 as headaches. sore throat, cough, flu, and minor temperature,
then
 they usually take any available medicine for an instant cure.
For
this
 reason, after taking painkillers and available antibiotics
available
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
at their homes
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 a common habit to consume
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
whenever they feel sick. Despite the fact that a number of researchers have presented that these painkillers and self-taking medication cause harmful effects on human organs, prominently, liver diseases and kidney failure. There is
also
 a reason that
people
 are more relying on these
medicines
 because medical treatments cost them higher prices, even for consultations before any medical procedure.
Furthermore
, they have to wait
for booking
Change preposition
to book
show examples
 an appointment to visit a doctor, which may
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on the
health
 of a patient and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
also
exacerbates
Change the verb form
exacerbate
show examples
 the pain or disease.
Additionally
, the prices of
medicines
 are
also
 soaring
due to
 the economic conditions, particularly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries. In
such
 a case, the government should,
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
, make
health
 centers, which are mainly designed to provide free medications by supplying
medicines
 through direct
contacting
Replace the word
contact with
show examples
 pharmaceutical companies.
Otherwise
,
people
's
health
 issues will remain detrimental
due to
 insufficient medical assistance. In the final analysis,
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of
people
 are using common
medicines
 easily available at cheaper
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
due to
 rising fees cost consulting doctors and costly
medicines
.
Therefore
, it should be taken care of
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by the government to produce good sources for
people
's treatment.
Submitted by rooha.javed on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider dividing the essay into more distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and logical flow, separating introduction, body, and conclusion more clearly.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Clarify some sentences that may be ambiguous, such as those discussing the impact on health and economic factors, to make your ideas clearer.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, providing a discussion of why some people choose alternative treatments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a solid introduction that sets up the argument and informs the reader of the writer's stance.
Task Achievement
A conclusion is present that summarizes the key arguments and reiterates the need for action.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
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