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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city.

The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city.
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The given bar graph illustrates data about the clubs in which humans signed up from 25 to 35 and 55 to 65
age
 groups at six types of recreation
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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 in a small town. From an
overall
 perspective, it can be clearly seen that the number of 25 to 35
age
 members for cycling and arts
as well as
 crafts more in comparison with the one in other categories.
In addition
, the amount of 25 - 35
age
group
 equals to 55-65
group
 in the photography category. In terms of gardening, the older
age
group
 dominates with around 55
membership
Replace the word
members
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, compared to just 25
participants
 from the younger
group
. A similar trend is seen in arts and crafts, where 55-
65 year olds
Add a hyphen
65-year-olds
show examples
 outnumber the younger
participants
 significantly, with close to 60 people. The category of music and dance
also
 sees more involvement from the 25-35
age
 inhabitants , with approximately 55 members compared to 50 from the 55-65
group
.
On the other hand
, younger people have a larger presence in films and cycling. Fitness clubs have an equal number of folks from both
age
 groups at around 50, but cycling is dominated by young
participants
, with about 65 humans compared to just 10 older
participants
. In photography, the two
age
 groups are equal, with 45 residents.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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