The charts below show the results of s survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most hanppay

The charts below show the results of s survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most hanppay
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The pie chart compares the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
for
happniess
Correct your spelling
happiness
between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
doning
Correct your spelling
doing
donning
hobbies and
achievement
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achieving
show examples
at work
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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both tow groups feel
more happeier
Correct word choice
happier
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,
while
Linking Words
there are
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
thricking
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things
factors
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affect what
make
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makes
show examples
people
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fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
happy. Looking at the charts, the
most happy
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happiest
show examples
thing for
people
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is acquiring achievement at work ,
people
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aged over 30 are 32%,
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people
Correct word choice
and people
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under 30 are 31%.The second thing which can make
people
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fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
happy is doing hobbies. Comparing the
people
Use synonyms
which is over 30 years of age with
people
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under 30, those two groups
people
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only have
small
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a small
show examples
gap
on
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in
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the proportion, with the
percentage
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of
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apply
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under 30 ages is 22%,
then
Linking Words
the other group
of
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apply
show examples
percentage
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is 24%, Doing hobbies and achievement at work have the majority
percentage
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on both of two groups,which
is have
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have
show examples
most more
Linking Words
then
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than
show examples
50%
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
except
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besides
show examples
the most
comman
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common
factors
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which make
people
Use synonyms
happay
Correct your spelling
happy
,there
have
Verb problem
are
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other different
thing
Change the wording
things
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attract
Correct pronoun usage
that attract
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different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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haveing
Correct your spelling
having
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a good
appearence
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appearance
, travelling,and other
factors
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are the remaining there
factors
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, all of those three
factors
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are under 20%, with respective
Use synonyms
percentage
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percentages
show examples
is 18%,15%,
14
Correct word choice
and 14
show examples
%
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
pepel
Correct your spelling
people
under 30. For
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
over 30, financial security
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the third conman
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
which could happy them, exactly
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
20%.Being with
Correct your spelling
family
familly
Correct your spelling
family
and other
factors
Use synonyms
get the remaining small proportion which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
under 20%, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
roughly
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
14% and 10%
Submitted by chunyanh502 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, factors, percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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