IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie chart compares the reasons for happiness between the two age groups people.

The pie chart compares the reasons for happiness between the two age groups people.
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It is clear that
Linking Words
doning
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doing
donning
 hobbies and
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
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 at work makes both two groups feel happier ,
while
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 there are other
factors
Use synonyms
affect
Correct pronoun usage
that affect
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 what makes
people
Use synonyms
 feel happy. Looking at the charts, the happiest thing for
people
Use synonyms
 is acquiring achievement at work ,
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 30 are 32%, and
people
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 under 30 are 31%.The second thing which can make
people
Use synonyms
 feel happy is doing hobbies. Comparing the
people
Use synonyms
 which is over 30 years of age with
people
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 under 30, those two groups
people
Use synonyms
 only have a small gap
on
Change preposition
in
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 the proportion, with the percentage
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
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 under 30 ages is 22%,
then
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 the other group
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
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 percentage is 24%, Doing hobbies and achievement at work have the majority percentage on both of two groups
,
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apply
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 and there gross figures are almost over 50%.
On the other hand
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,
besides
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 the most commendable
factors
Use synonyms
 which make
people
Use synonyms
 happy ,there
have
Verb problem
are
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 other different things
attract
Correct pronoun usage
that attract
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 different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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people
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. It
apply
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applies
show examples
 significantly shows having a good appearance, travelling, and other
factors
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 are the remaining there
factors
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, all of those three
factors
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 are under 20%, with respective percentages is 18%,15%,
14
Correct word choice
and 14
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% for
people
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 under 30. For those
people
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 aged over 30, financial security is the third conman thing which could happy them, exactly
apply
Verb problem
apply
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20%.Being with family and other
factors
Use synonyms
 get the remaining small proportion which is under 20%, with
apply
Verb problem
apply
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roughly 14% and 10%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words factors, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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