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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more parents are deciding to educate their children at home rather than sending them to schools. What are the causes of this phenomenon? A Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#parents #children #home #schools #phenomenon #do #development
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Increasingly, many parents prefer to teach their children lessons at
home
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, than rather using
a
Correct article usage
apply
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school education resources.
This
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 essay will prove the negative sides of
this
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 phenomenon. There are too many situations, where children are educated at
home
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instead
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 of going to school,
learn
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learning
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 lessons with professional teachers and spending time with their peers. The major reason why adults do
that is
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 doubts about the concentration of
students
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 on the main thing — getting a good education without foreign objects, which are able to distract them, but they don’t take into account children’s development process in society.
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, falling behind peers can lead to isolation and the lack of ability to express themselves. Adults are wrong, if they think that at
home
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students
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 will be more educated than in schools. They may worry about their little
ones
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ones'
one's
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 motivation, focus and ability, but exactly these qualities are revealed in the company of the same children. At
schools
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schools,
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 there are a lot of
students
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 with a different mindset and mentality. From the collision of
a
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apply
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various
opinions
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opinions,
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 healthy competition is born.
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, every institution has developmental courses
such
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 as
sport
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sports
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sections
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, debate
sections
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, art
sections
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, music
sections
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 etc.
This
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 allows
students
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 to show their abilities and advantages that they are not able to acquire at
home
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. In conclusion, It's better for a pupil to be in their proper place and study in areas that are specialized for them, which provide essential mental and physical development.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your arguments more fully, providing additional supporting details and examples to reinforce your viewpoint. This will help strengthen your overall task response.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and using transitional phrases more effectively to enhance logical flow within and between paragraphs. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
You effectively addressed the task by discussing both the causes and your viewpoint on the development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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