IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Task 2: Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #society #differences #members
In our modern
life
, the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer.There are some
people
 who believe that the best way to create a happier
society
 is to ensure that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 only
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 gap between the richest and the poorest income. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would agree with
this
 opinion because only small differences in
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 between the richest and the poorest can bring back several
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 for
society
 On the one hand, there are several benefits when we lower the gap between rich and poor. The first benefit is that both rich and poor now can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial equality.
This
 can help
people
 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
equal access to services and facilities, so they can enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher quality of
life
, healthcare and education.
Also
, with higher living standards,
society
 can become happier thanks to financial equality.
For example
, In Finland,
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there can enjoy free education and healthcare services.As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result,
people
 in there have
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
life
 and
society
.The second benefit is that
lower
Replace the word
lowering
show examples
 the gap can help reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress in financial burden.With
this
,
people
 now can have equal income and opportunities in
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
life
.
For instance
,
people
 do not need to push themselves too hard to gain money because now they can cover their living expenses.As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result,
society
 will become happier and
people
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 free from the stress of financial burden.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Enhance your examples with more specific details to strengthen your argument and provide clearer support for your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to ensure smoother flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger conclusion to reiterate and summarize your key points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear stance on the topic, effectively setting up your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes distinct paragraphs that focus on specific supporting arguments.
task achievement
Your argument about equal financial opportunities contributes positively to the task achievement score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
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