IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #effects #child
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There
has
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have
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 been contentious debates over the consequences of the time
children
spent
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spend
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 on television, videos and computer games. Some people believe that it can positively affect some
children
's abilities,
while
 others argue that it might lead to detrimental consequences
on
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for
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 them. Despite the differing views, I am inclined to believe, that either
points
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point
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 of
views
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view
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are
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is
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 equally correct since these activities tend to foster creativity or memory, to name a few.
Conversely
, the
children
 who make an
abussive
Correct your spelling
abusive
 use of these activities are more likely to develop fewer social skills or some other cognitive skills. On the one hand, television, video and computer games are created in order to entertain people,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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particularly,
children
. Even the most violent format among all of them
have
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has
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 proved to activate some areas of the brain co-related to creativity and spontaneousness.
Moreover
, some of them are utilized for therapies and social illness treatments. Another positive skill which is trained by playing videogames
of
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or
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 watching TV is critical thinking, since these options are generally a wise alternative to
acquire
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acquiring
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 a wide range of knowledge, usually learnt by reading books.
On the other hand
, there are several concerns that might show up when the exposure to these elements is irresponsible. Despite the beneficial qualities known, the uncontrolled and extended use of them can decrease
critial
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critical
 abilities
such
 as concentration, creativity memory, among others. It is common knowledge that a high proportion of people who are
subsequently
 exposed to any of these elements end up enrolling
mental
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in mental
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 health treatments.
Therefore
, it is
importante
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important
 to control the addition to all of them. Following all the points mentioned above, it is
importante
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important
 to note that despite the benefits these activities provide, an addition to them
have
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has
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 a detrimental outcome. By
achiving
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achieving
 a balance, the benefits of these practices might be
extoled
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extolled
.
Submitted by dar.rodriguez.ramos on

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task response
To improve task response, develop and provide specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens the essay's persuasiveness and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as "abussive" (abusive), "critial" (critical), and "importante" (important). This will enhance your essay's readability.
introduction conclusion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing differing viewpoints and clearly states the writer's stance, providing a balanced perspective.
logical structure
Each paragraph deals with one main idea, contributing to a clear logical structure throughout.
task response
The essay presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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