Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society

Nowadays, there is

significant

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a significant

the significant

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argument about the growth of the elderly's number in societies.

while

some

people

hold the view that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elderly

people

have the advantages for government, another common belief is that governments might face some issues

due to

the

aging

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ageing

show examples

population. In

this

essay, I will examine both views, before providing my own view. On the one hand, those who support

benefits

Correct article usage

the benefits

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this

matter, argue that the elderly

are

Verb problem

have

show examples

Correct article usage

a more

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experience

Replace the word

experienced

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workforces

Fix the agreement mistake

workforce

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thus

, companies can enjoy blending their expertise with the fresh ill-informed

labours

Correct your spelling

labourers

show examples

for better

outcome

Fix the agreement mistake

outcomes

show examples

Moreover

, the

aging

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ageing

show examples

are

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show examples

likley

Correct your spelling

likely

involved in volunteer programs rather than the youth. Retired

people

tend to attend charity programs,

addmitedly

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and

government

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the government

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appreciate

because

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them because

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they

don

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show examples

not work for money.

On the other hand

proponent

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proponents

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of the elderly can

creates

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create

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problems for governments

claim

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claiming

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that

this

matter,

having

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has

show examples

negative

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a negative

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impact on public debt. Without offsetting tax rises or spending cuts, an

aging

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ageing

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population can widen budget deficits and put public sector debt on an unsustainable upward trajectory.

In addition

, it is

undeniable

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an undeniable

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fact that pressure on health services would be increased, as old individuals more likely can lead to an explosion of age-related illness and associated health care costs. All things considered,

increase

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an increase

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in the

old

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number of old

show examples

individuals

Change to a genitive case

individual's

individuals'

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rate,

hase

Correct your spelling

has

both positive and

negetive

Correct your spelling

negative

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

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on societies. From my perspective, the benefits in terms of

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

the old

people

population in the society eventually outweigh any drawbacks.

Submitted by mahyarnaseri on Tue Nov 12 2024

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Task Response

Your essay does address the prompt and discusses both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population. However, make sure to explicitly state your position in relation to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. You can do this by using linking words and phrases effectively.

Task Achievement

Strengthen your main points with specific examples to bolster your arguments. This will help in clearly and comprehensibly presenting your ideas.

Task Response

You have made an effort to examine both viewpoints and have included some arguments for each side, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for different perspectives, and a conclusion. This is a solid framework in essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

238 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Today many young people spend too much of thier free time at shopping malls.This can be considered negative for young people and society generally.To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to Job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of Job satisfaction for all workers?

An increasing number of professional such as doctor and teacher are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. what problem does this cause and what are the solutions?

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