IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You Recently Bought A New Piece Of Equipment For Your Home But It Did Not Work. You Phoned The Store But Still No Action Has Been Taken. Write A Letter To The Store Manager. In Your Letter: – Describe What Equipment You Bought – Explain The Problem With The New Equipment – Say What Would You Like The Manager To Do

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Dear Sir or Madam, The purpose of
this
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 letter is to express my dissatisfaction with a purchase from your store
last
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 week. Starting with an outline of the device which is a Sanyo Deluxe blender, and the model is SDB-2000. It is
one
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 of your
top of the line
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top-of-the-line
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 blenders and it cost $89. I bought a silver
one
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, with black trim. Moving onto the issue, which is that the blades do not spin properly. At
first,
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everything seemed to work fine but within a day the blender started to shake uncontrollably and there
is
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was
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 a strange knocking noise and I
can
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could
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 see the blades wobbling. Immediately called the shop for assistance;
however
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, despite promises to do so, no
one
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 has got back to me. With respect to the remedial steps, I would appreciate it if you would replace my faulty blender
for
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with
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 a new
one
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 in accordance with the
one
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-year warranty. I have kept the receipt of my purchase, should you need to
sight
Verb problem
see
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 it. Please contact me and let me know how you intend to resolve
this
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 matter. Yours faithfully, Sarah Smith

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your letter is well-structured, following a clear progression from introduction of the issue, to description of the problem, and finally, a request for a resolution. To enhance your letter's coherence, consider signposting your paragraphs more clearly with phrases like 'To begin with,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In conclusion.'
Task Achievement
You have effectively achieved the task by outlining what you bought, explaining the problem, and stating what you would like the manager to do. To further improve task achievement, you could add details about how the problem with the equipment has affected you personally, adding a level of depth to your letter.
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