Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, the advancement of technology has changed the way
people
work and get education
. They were able to work or learn from home using online applications, which offer more affordable and easy Add an article
an education
acces
. Correct your spelling
access
However
, I believe that there is a huge drawback in
Change preposition
to
this
because people
tend to get more distractions and more health
problems
To begin
with, in our house, there are
a lot of stuff that can take our attention Change the verb form
is
such
as our television, pillow, and other private stuff. Not to mention
our member
of Fix the agreement mistake
members
family
that might distract us Add an article
the family
a family
in
a sudden. Either for Change preposition
at
worker
or Fix the agreement mistake
workers
student
, Fix the agreement mistake
students
this
is a major problem because in school or in office
, we can get a more focused environment. Correct article usage
the office
For instance
, when we were working in office
, Add an article
an office
the office
people
will
not disturb us because they Wrong verb form
would
also
have
some Wrong verb form
had
task
to do.
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
Secondly
, working and studying virtually will increase our likeliness to get several health
problems
. This
is because we will sit in our chair
all day long from morning to evening, doing no movement at all. Fix the agreement mistake
chairs
Consequently
, this
will lead people
to a more passive lifestyle, therefore
, they are prone to several health
problems
such
as migrain
and obesity. National research in Indonesia indicates that when Correct your spelling
migraine
migraines
people
spend more than 7 hours a week with minimal movements, they will likely to
gain Fix the infinitive
apply
significant
amount of weight in just a week.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that Add an article
a significant
this
new trend of remote working and studying is a negative development because not only allowing
more distraction Wrong verb form
does it allow
while
working, this
Correct word choice
but this
also
promotes more health
problems
because of the sedentary lifestyle.Submitted by 000silr111 on
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops an idea with clear examples. Your essay presents valid points but could provide more detailed arguments and examples for a stronger response.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly across sentences and paragraphs. This helps the reader understand the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear opinion from the beginning, making it easy for the reader to understand the writer's position.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
supported main points
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, showing good consideration of the topic's complexity.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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