In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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these days, it is hard to find the young who read newspapers or watch the news on TV. I think there are three factors why
this
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phenomenon happens. 
First,
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how people gain information has changed. Unlike ten years ago, now we do everything with our mobiles.
For instance
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, I sometimes watch today's news on
youtube
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YouTube
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or read short articles
while
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I am on the subway. It is much more convenient and now it
became
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has become
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a new trend.
Secondly
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, they don't like to read long sentences. 
Due to
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social media, teenagers got accustomed to videos, pictures and short messages.
Finally
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, people don't trust broadcast or newspaper companies anymore. They often work with politicians and it is hard to believe what they show on TV. I believe education is the key to
solve
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solving
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this
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problem. It is important to make students get used to reading books and newspapers. Schools have to provide their materials on paper, not through their websites or emails. I've seen a few schools nowadays
where
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that
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give students
Ipads
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iPads
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,
then
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they can study on those devices.
Also
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, we have to limit the use of smartphones in schools. It will distract children from what they need to focus on.
Furthermore
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, I think teachers and parents should control the amount of time their kids spend on social media.
Instead
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, reading the newspaper and watching the news in the living room together might help to tackle
this
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challenge. In conclusion, the world changes quickly and it is inevitable to face
such
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changes.
However
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, adults should let children know that they have a variety of choices when selecting data.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples, as it will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph logically leads to the next and try using connecting phrases to improve flow.
task achievement
You could explore more causes or solutions for a robust argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You managed to address the essay prompt accurately and included your perspectives.
task achievement
Your writing is focused and mostly clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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