IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that globalization has a positive impact on economic development and cultural exchange. However, others argue that it leads to the erosion of local cultures and widening income inequalities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #globalization #impact #development #exchange #erosion #cultures #income #inequalities
In recent years, globalisation has significantly impacted economic development and cultural exchange. Whilst, some
people
 believe it has a positive impact, others argue that it will lead to the loss of local
cultures
 and widening income disparities.
This
 essay will discuss both views before coming to a conclusion. It is noticeable that globalisation
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a positive impact on economic development and cultural exchange.
This
 may occur because of the huge international exposure that we had throughout the years.
For instance
, many tourists will come to the country just to visit the place that they have seen on social media.
As a result
, it will increase the economy of the local community
as well as
 the country through international
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
 and the
culture
 of the nations can be well-known to other
people
 in different countries.
Although
 some
people
 believe it has a positive impact, others think that it leads to the opposite.
This
 might happen because of the
over obsession
Add a hyphen
over-obsession
show examples
 with other
cultures
 that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 the young generation to forget about their own. To illustrate, for the past few years, k-pop has become a global phenomenon which impacted the local
cultures
 and economy in a negative way.
As a result
, many
people
 prefer to eat Korean cuisine rather than local which impacted the local community as well
the
Correct word choice
as the
show examples
 loss of local
culture
. Based on the explanation, I believe it is important to maintain the existence of our own
culture
 as part of the country. Globalisation should be taken as a potential way to introduce our
culture
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigners to boost our economic development. Do not let cultural exchange lead to inequalities and the erosion of our own
cultures
.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion points more equally. Although you discussed both sides, try providing more examples or elaboration for the negative impacts to equal the positive ones for more balanced arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on polishing sentence structures to avoid slight repetitions and improve overall flow, ensuring even smoother transitions between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the discussion by presenting the two sides of the argument and prepares the reader for a balanced discussion.
supported main points
Examples provided, such as the rise of k-pop, effectively illustrate the debate and help to ground the discussion in real-world contexts.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made and introduces a strong personal opinion, tying the arguments back to the main question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!