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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that globalization has a positive impact on economic development and cultural exchange. However, others argue that it leads to the erosion of local cultures and widening income inequalities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #globalization #impact #development #exchange #erosion #cultures #income #inequalities
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In recent years, globalisation has significantly impacted economic development and cultural exchange. Whilst, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe it has a positive impact, others argue that it will lead to the loss of local
cultures
Use synonyms
 and widening income disparities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before coming to a conclusion. It is noticeable that globalisation
brings
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact on economic development and cultural exchange.
This
Linking Words
 may occur because of the huge international exposure that we had throughout the years.
For instance
Linking Words
, many tourists will come to the country just to visit the place that they have seen on social media.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will increase the economy of the local community
as well as
Linking Words
 the country through international
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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 and the
culture
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 of the nations can be well-known to other
people
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 in different countries.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe it has a positive impact, others think that it leads to the opposite.
This
Linking Words
 might happen because of the
over-obsession
Correct your spelling
obsession
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 with other
cultures
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 that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 the young generation to forget about their own. To illustrate, for the past few years, k-pop has become a global phenomenon which impacted the local
cultures
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 and economy in a negative way.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
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 prefer to eat Korean cuisine rather than local cuisine which impacts the local community
as well as
Linking Words
 the loss of local
culture
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. Based on the explanation, I believe it is important to maintain the existence of our own
culture
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 as part of the country. Globalisation should be taken as a potential way to introduce our
culture
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigners to boost our economic development. Do not let cultural exchange lead to inequalities and the erosion of our own
cultures
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Task Achievement
You have addressed both views as required by the task, and provided your own opinion, which is good. However, it would be beneficial to further develop your arguments with more specific examples and detailed explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some points could be better supported with more detailed examples and elaboration for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction that effectively outlines the issue and your approach to the essay topic.
Task Achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and addresses the essay question, which enhances clarity and focus.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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