There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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In the modern epoch, young people are under too much stress to become successful academically. Some individuals believe that

non- academic

Correct your spelling

non-academic

show examples

courses

such

Linking Words

as physical education and cookery should be removed from

school

Add an article

the school

show examples

curriculum,

Linking Words

hence

Correct word choice

so hence

show examples

students can focus on academic work.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

However,

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some people refute

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

This

Linking Words

essay will argue some possible reasons behind

this

Linking Words

in the

impending

Correct word choice

following

show examples

paragraphs. First and foremost,

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as physical fitness and cooking are equally important as science and physics

beacuse

Correct your spelling

because

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

extra curriculars

Correct your spelling

extracurriculars

show examples

can help reduce stress.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

include physical training and a variety of different sports. If someone

passionate

Add a missing verb

is passionate

show examples

about it, one can excel in that particular domain.

For example

Linking Words

, Ronaldo is a famous football player

due to

Linking Words

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

his

her

show examples

extremely good physical fitness and training. As

consequence

Correct article usage

a consequence

show examples

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

extra courses should not

remove

Wrong verb form

be removed

show examples

from

education

Add an article

the education

show examples

system. Probing ahead, parents force students to take academic

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as science, mathematics, and chemistry.

This

Linking Words

can help them to

purse

Correct your spelling

pursue

show examples

a career in the field of engineering and

medical

Replace the word

medicine

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, there is a lot of

competion

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competition

this

Linking Words

field today, so it is difficult to excel in that.

Hence

Linking Words

, one

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

to study hard and

this

Linking Words

is putting

Wrong verb form

puts

show examples

a lot of pressure on children, which

result

Correct subject-verb agreement

results

show examples

in mental health issues. In conclusion, it is understood that academic courses are crucial to become successful in some domains but one can not unseen non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

. I agree with the

later

Correct your spelling

latter

show examples

statement after careful

consideraton

Correct your spelling

consideration

of both the arguments. It is predicted that in the future, more and more students will opt for them.

Submitted by vishaljangrala94 on Wed Nov 13 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, provide a more balanced argument with clearer support for each viewpoint. While you did mention both sides, ensure that each point is backed up with specific evidence to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, aim to improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words to enhance the flow and make sure each idea logically connects with the next. Additionally, improve the introduction and conclusion to provide a firmer grasp of the topic from start to finish.

task achievement

You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential in a balanced essay. This shows a good understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay has clear paragraphing, which aids in comprehension and provides a clear structure to your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Your opinion

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Some believe children should be taught to give speeches and presentations in school. why is this? What other skills do you think it is important to be taught in schools

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