There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern epoch, young people are under too much stress to become successful academically. Some individuals believe that
non- academic
courses Correct your spelling
non-academic
such
as physical education and cookery should be removed from school
curriculum, Add an article
the school
hence
students can focus on academic work. Correct word choice
so hence
However
some people refute Add a comma
However,
with
Change preposition
apply
this
. This
essay will argue some possible reasons behind this
in the impending
paragraphs.
First and foremost, Correct word choice
following
subjects
such
as physical fitness and cooking are equally important as science and physics beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
this
Correct determiner usage
these
extra curriculars
can help reduce stress. Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
In addition
, this
Change the determiner
these
subjects
include physical training and a variety of different sports. If someone passionate
about it, one can excel in that particular domain. Add a missing verb
is passionate
For example
, Ronaldo is a famous football player due to
its
extremely good physical fitness and training. As Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
consequence
, Correct article usage
a consequence
this
extra courses should not Correct determiner usage
these
remove
from Wrong verb form
be removed
education
system.
Probing ahead, parents force students to take academic Add an article
the education
subjects
such
as science, mathematics, and chemistry. This
can help them to purse
a career in the field of engineering and Correct your spelling
pursue
medical
. Replace the word
medicine
Furthermore
, there is a lot of competion
in Correct your spelling
competition
this
field today, so it is difficult to excel in that. Hence
, one have
to study hard and Change the verb form
has
this
is putting
a lot of pressure on children, which Wrong verb form
puts
result
in mental health issues.
In conclusion, it is understood that academic courses are crucial to become successful in some domains but one can not unseen non-academic Correct subject-verb agreement
results
subjects
. I agree with the later
statement after careful Correct your spelling
latter
consideraton
of both the arguments. It is predicted that in the future, more and more students will opt for them.Correct your spelling
consideration
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide a more balanced argument with clearer support for each viewpoint. While you did mention both sides, ensure that each point is backed up with specific evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words to enhance the flow and make sure each idea logically connects with the next. Additionally, improve the introduction and conclusion to provide a firmer grasp of the topic from start to finish.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential in a balanced essay. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing, which aids in comprehension and provides a clear structure to your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?