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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Improving living conditions within society is a far superior approach to crime prevention than the treat of punishment. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement and why?

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It is irrefutable that, improving living conditions among the people in a
society
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 is more indispensable to preventing
crime
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 than
punishment
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. I agree with the aforementioned statement and
this
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 essay will delve into the reasons for agreement. On the one hand, living conditions can be developed by fulfilment of basic needs
such
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 as food and education.
However
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, Poverty plays a crucial role in
society
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 doing violent activities to earn a livelihood for himself and his family. Again, a person who is not well educated is careless about the negative effects of
crime
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 on
society
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.
For instance
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, a pickpocketer does
such
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 illegal activities to support his family financially . So a person who has enough food to support his family and is well educated, will not commit a
crime
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. In
this
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 way,
crime
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 can be prevented and it will be more easier process to give
punishment
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 because
punishment
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 will diminish one's social image.
Moreover
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, creating various job sectors has numerous advantages which help improve the country's people's lifestyle. So, by achieving a job, individuals can able to earn money which the
crime
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 rate to dwindle. To cite an example , when someone is sent to prison for committing a
crime
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 and after completing his period he will not be able to live a decent life.
Therefore
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 prevention of
crime
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 will be a better choice than
punishment
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.
This
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 will happen only when citizens have a standard lifestyle. In conclusion, indubitably prevention requires some basic criteria which are controllable by the government and affluent people of
society
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whereas
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 the
punishment
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 has different negative social consequences which are harmful to the country's future progress.

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task achievement
Expand on specific points with more examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity of ideas by organizing paragraphs more logically.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument well.
task achievement
You succeeded in addressing the topic by highlighting the importance of improving living conditions in crime prevention.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Root causes of crime
  • Quality education
  • Vocational training
  • Crime deterrence
  • Community responsibility
  • Access to healthcare
  • Mental health support
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Social upliftment
  • Ethical standards
  • Fear and punishment
  • Retribution
  • Systemic inequalities
  • Cycle of crime
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