The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year
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The bar chart illustrates a summary of
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
in six different cities in Australia during a year, with the average number of how much
kilolitres
Use synonyms
of
water
Use synonyms
used per property. In detail, a pie chart supported the
data
Use synonyms
with the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
used in different sectors.
Overall
Linking Words
, Perth City is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the most plenty of
water
Use synonyms
used in 2014,
Moreover
Linking Words
, statistical
data
Use synonyms
displayed that the agriculture
sector
Use synonyms
used more than half of
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
supply in
overall
Linking Words
consumption
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, People in Perth used almost 300
kilolitres
Use synonyms
of
water
Use synonyms
per property in 2014, followed by Brisbane with 250
kilolitres
Use synonyms
of
water
Use synonyms
used in the second place.
in particular
Linking Words
, Adelaide has similar
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
to Brisbane,
while
Linking Words
Sydney only uses 200
kilolitres
Use synonyms
of
water
Use synonyms
. The
data
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
showed that the Melbourn and Canberra people used a smaller number of
water
Use synonyms
than other cities.
Second,
Linking Words
statistical
data
Use synonyms
that are presented in a pie chart, depicted
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
in 7 different sectors. Interestingly, the agriculture
sector
Use synonyms
dominated the presentation by using more than half of the
water
Use synonyms
supply in Australia, during the year 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the mining
sector
Use synonyms
only used 2% of
water
Use synonyms
.
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
manufacturing and other industries
sector
Use synonyms
share the same portion which is only 4%. To summarize, various cities use different amounts of
water
Use synonyms
in a year.
However
Linking Words
,
data
Use synonyms
showed that Perth City is in the first place. Agriculture highly relies on the
water
Use synonyms
supply to support their business.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, consumption, kilolitres, data, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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