Some people believe that children should be allowed to go out for outdoor activities. While others believe that children should stay at home most of the time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
believe outside is fine for children
some people
believe stay home
. I guess that depends on the situation. My opinion is outdoor activities
always better than indoor activities
.
First of all, the outdoors are
always better for humans. If you need more energy you will go outside because seeing, walking, feeling, and communicating with other Change the verb form
is
people
in every different situation is good for people
. If children
go to outdoor activities
they will quickly develop motor skills. Moreover
, children
's parks, cycling, scooter
, Fix the agreement mistake
scooters
activities
parks, and adventure parks are good for children
. All the kids
love this
kind of activity. When I was young, I learnt too many things
about outdoor activities
. I remember a laundry detergent commercial. They said to kids
- keep dirty because being dirty beautiful. They want to say, you learn many things
by playing outside and don't worry, our detergent cleans all dirty things
.
In contrast
, home
is a safe way. Absolute kids
learn many things
at home
but not realizable.
I have a son, he is almost 6 years old and we stayed 2 years at home
for covid time
. I prefer to play outside but we can't. We found different ways of learning. I bought toys, books, and activity equipment that's not cheap and not natural. On the other hand
, some special things
need a home
place.
In summary, in my childhood time
, we play outside all the time
. And we were really happy. I prefer 100% per cent outdoor activities
better for people
but specifically for children
. Nowadays outside dangerous than in my childhood time
. But, we plan for outdoor activities
weekly. All kids
need that time
.Submitted by oguzozgurugur on
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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Consider using paragraphs to separate different points of view, reasons, and examples.
task achievement
Try to develop ideas more fully. Each paragraph should elaborate on one point with supporting details and examples.
task achievement
A clearer stance in your conclusion would strengthen your response. Summarize your main points and restate your opinion concisely.
task achievement
Increase the range of vocabulary and sentence structures used to make the essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear and can be restructured for clarity. For example: 'Absolute kids learn many things at home but not realizable' can be improved to 'Although children can learn many things at home, these experiences are limited and less tangible.'
task achievement
The essay reflects personal experiences which make your points relatable and vivid.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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