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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the natural circulation of water.

The diagram below shows the natural circulation of water.
The picture illustrates steps in the process of
Use synonyms
water
Add an article
the water
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 cycle in natural environments.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the circulation consists of seven stages, showing the non-stop movement of
water
Use synonyms
 among the atmosphere, the ground, and the rock layer. The natural circulation of
water
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 begins with
water
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 dropping down to the ground from clouds in the air in
Correct article usage
the forms
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forms
Fix the agreement mistake
form
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 of rain or snow.
Then
Linking Words
 the fallen
water
Use synonyms
 is absorbed by trees and plants through their root systems, where it has been conveyed to the underground, becoming a rich source of groundwater after prolonged accumulation.
Next,
Linking Words
some of the groundwater is exploited by human beings through digging wells
into
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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underground
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and has been used for domestic
water
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 consumption.
Linking Words
While a
Correct word choice
A
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 large amount of the
water
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 gradually gathers in the bedrock and
then
Linking Words
 flows into lakes, rivers, and seas all over the world. In the final stage of
water
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 circulation, the sun plays an important role. Long-term exposure to the sun,
making
Wrong verb form
makes
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 it possible for
water
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 to transform into
vapor
Change the spelling
vapour
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 and
finally
Linking Words
 gather together as the substantial ingredients of clouds. At that time, a new cycle begins.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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