IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In order to learn the way other people in the world lives, it is better to look at film and video records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #world #lives #film #video #records #documents
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There are a variety of approaches to learning in the world,
while
 it is argued that watching
films
 and video records would be more useful, I firmly agree with those who think written documents are more efficient in two areas.
Firstly
, I concede that looking at
films
 can be highly fascinating, the problem is I think videos are not able to illustrate all aspects of particular science
due to
 lack of equipment to show details or it would be impossible somehow. Solar videos,
For example
, appear to be hard to show in
films
 as providing shuttles or astronauts' clothes seems tough.
However
, In my opinion, the written document can depict each aspect perfectly since it would be possible to use several pictures and photos that were taken in the past.
This
 not only is easier but
also
 is approximately accurate.
Secondly
, despite the fact that watching clips and videos is said to be an efficient way to learn different subjects, I would say that there is a considerable chance to concentrate on a particular topic by reading documents; as I believe spending time looking at
films
 tend to be destructive and even worse, may trigger misunderstanding or lose important points. Compared to writings, either books or magazines, it may be possible to highlight crucial points and read them again to comprehend completely.
For instance
, an individual has the opportunity to read about a special science until learning even if he is forced to read one page more than twice. I admit that
films
 can be repeated with no limitation, the problem is
this
 would be difficult occasionally. All f being said,
although
 supporters of watching a film in order to learn claim that it is a better way compared to written documents, I wholeheartedly believe that reading books or any document would be more effective
due to
 its accuracy and the opportunity to focus on better.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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coherence
Your essay tends to mix points about watching films and reading documents without clear separation, which can lead to confusion. Try to structure your paragraphs so that each one addresses a distinct aspect of the argument.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This strengthens your argument and shows deeper understanding.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, making it easy for the reader to understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and reinforces your position, contributing to a coherent end to the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a logical flow of ideas that generally maintain the reader's understanding of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • visual engagement
  • real-life depictions
  • emotional connection
  • auditory stimuli
  • cultural immersion
  • memory retention
  • multi-sensory learning
  • author's bias
  • objectivity
  • accessibility
  • video records
  • film representations
  • everyday activities
  • broader audience
  • enhance understanding
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