IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain hogh levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

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Most of the tin-packed
products
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 have high
sugar
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 contents, which is affecting the health of the
people
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, so increasing the price of
such
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 foods and
drinks
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 may limit their use. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement , because,
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 will not affect the public, they will still buy
such
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products
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.
Secondly
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, other local companies may start producing alternative
drinks
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. I will explain my opinion with examples. The foremost reason for disagreeing with the statement is that
,
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apply
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majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the
people
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, buying
such
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products
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, are usually from the upper to middle classes, so they will keep buying
such
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drinks
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.
People
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 will keep purchasing these
products
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 even if their costs are too high,
this
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 is
due to
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 their dependency on
such
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drinks
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. To illustrate, A study was conducted in Pakistan in 2012,
due to
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rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
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 surge of oral cancer in the young generation, they found out cigarette smoking was the main culprit behind oral cancer, so
government
Correct article usage
the government
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, raised the price of cigarettes to lower the rates of cancer,
however
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, they failed, because
people
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 were still buying cigarettes, as they were dependent on them.
Furthermore
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, if the rates of sugary foods are raised, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local companies will start producing, like-wise
products
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 in
less amount
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer amounts
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 and they may have more
sugar
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 in them.
For instance
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, in India, Pepsi drink was one of the most sold
products
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 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 15 years,
however
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,
due to
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 some reasons, its import was banned for 01 month,
however
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, local industries started producing alternative
drinks
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, with similar colour and taste, but when food regulatory authority inspected
this
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 drink, they discovered, that
this
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 drink had similar 35 times more
sugar
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 in it and was unhealthy.
To conclude
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,
sugar
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-based
products
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 are dangerous for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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, as
this
Linking Words
 increases heart disease and causes obesity, but increasing the price of foods that have
sugar
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 will not stop
people
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 from buying them.

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task achievement
Consider providing a balanced view by acknowledging some merits of increasing prices of sugary foods, even if you disagree overall.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument to maintain logical structure and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include clear signposting phrases to improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introductory paragraph and a conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
The use of examples to illustrate points helps clarify your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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