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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children spen hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #spen #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Some
children
 spend
hours
 on their
smartphones
 every
day
.
This
 is the case because
smartphones
 are very addictive. I personally believe that it is a negative development because it consumes their valuable
time
. Every
day
children
 spend
hours
 on their phones because they are addictive.
Children
 find
smartphones
 engaging, and they cannot resist scrolling.
Smartphones
 provide them with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Internet which allows them to watch countless content on social media and play games.
Therefore
, they spend a significant amount of
time
 every
day
 on their phones because they find them funny and entertaining.
For example
,
children
 in India spend hour after hour on their phones watching reels because they find them funny. I personally believe that spending
hours
 on
smartphones
 is a negative development because it consumes a lot of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
valuable
time
.
Children
 can utilize that
time
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some productive work. They can play, study, and spend
time
 with their families. If
smartphones
consumes
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
 a significant amount of their valuable
time
, they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very little amount of
time
 to complete their daily tasks.
As a result
, it affects their
every
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
day
 performance at school and home. For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
, in the USA,
children
 spend around 5 to 6
hours
 on their
smartphones
 and it affects their academic performance at school. In conclusion,
children
 find the content of the Internet addictive and
therefore
, they cannot stop scrolling. I personally believe that it is a positive development because it affects their performance at school and home.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic, ensure that the arguments for both "why" and "positive or negative development" are equally developed. This balance will enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical connection between sentences and ideas to ensure smooth flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to provide a more comprehensive range of ideas, possibly considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic, creating a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, especially with the cases of children in India and the USA, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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