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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children spen hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #spen #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Some
children
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 spend
hours
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 on their
smartphones
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 every
day
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.
This
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 is the case because
smartphones
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 are very addictive. I personally believe that it is a negative development because it consumes their valuable
time
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. Every
day
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children
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 spend
hours
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 on their phones because they are addictive.
Children
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 find
smartphones
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 engaging, and they cannot resist scrolling.
Smartphones
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 provide them with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
of
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to
show examples
 the Internet which allows them to watch countless content on social media and play games.
Therefore
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, they spend a significant amount of
time
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 every
day
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 on their phones because they find them funny and entertaining.
For example
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,
children
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 in India spend hour after hour on their phones watching reels because they find them funny. I personally believe that spending
hours
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 on
smartphones
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 is a negative development because it consumes a lot of
their
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apply
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valuable
time
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.
Children
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 can utilize that
time
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in
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for
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 some productive work. They can play, study, and spend
time
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 with their families. If
smartphones
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consumes
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consume
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 a significant amount of their valuable
time
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, they have
a
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apply
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very little amount of
time
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 to complete their daily tasks.
As a result
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, it affects their
every
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everyday
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day
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 performance at school and home. For
exmple
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example
, in the USA,
children
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 spend around 5 to 6
hours
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 on their
smartphones
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 and it affects their academic performance at school. In conclusion,
children
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 find the content of the Internet addictive and
therefore
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, they cannot stop scrolling. I personally believe that it is a positive development because it affects their performance at school and home.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic, ensure that the arguments for both "why" and "positive or negative development" are equally developed. This balance will enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical connection between sentences and ideas to ensure smooth flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to provide a more comprehensive range of ideas, possibly considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic, creating a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, especially with the cases of children in India and the USA, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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