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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialized and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggestion least one possible solution.

#world #population #countries #nations #overpopulation #suggestion
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The world is currently experiencing a dramatic increase in population.
This
 could cause major problems that can possibly affect our future. In the paragraphs below, I will go through each of the problems and the solutions. First of all, the
most concerned
Correct word choice
biggest
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 point of the increasing
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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:
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is the land problem, dealing
a
Remove the article
apply
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massive damage to the affairs in the limited lands. To be more specific, the
servere
Correct your spelling
severe
server
 wound in the country's
economical
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economic
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 state could be predicted; the cost of the land could be introduced to significantly higher prices,
due to
 the number of demand
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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crossing over the amount of the area
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
.
According to
 the world trend,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 becoming more and more expensive each year. The solution could not be as simple as expanding the country's
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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own land, which is almost an impossible task to execute. The only solution is to reduce the
further
 expansion
in
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of
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 the population;
restricting
Change preposition
by restricting
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 the number of kids in each family.
Secondly
, the risk
in
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of
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 each
individuals
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individual
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 losing a job;
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
also
an
Change the article
apply
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one of the major
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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. In effect, more and more people will be fighting for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 place in some of the
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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; trying to achieve their quality lives.
This
 creates
the
Correct article usage
a
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 massive gap
in
Change preposition
apply
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between the low and
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
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income
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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; creating
this
 gap would trigger
the
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an
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economical
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economic
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 crisis that could
be leading
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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national corruption.
Moreover
, the crisis can possibly destroy all the growing
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 in the country, which is most likely to make the situation worse. To counter from letting
this
 happen, we have to block the creation of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 state gaps in the first place. The solution is to support the
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
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income
 populations; the budget gathered from taxes placed on
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
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income
 houses,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be used
in supporting
Change preposition
to support
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 the lower classes.
To conclude
, the problem in increasing populations can be summarized as the limitations of the lands: and the expanding gap between the poor and rich. To prevent the risks in
these phenomenon
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
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 from
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
, we have to limit the number of kids and
placing
Wrong verb form
place
show examples
 taxes on the
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
income
 classes.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Currently, the essay does not flow seamlessly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic by mentioning the dramatic increase in population and associated problems.
logical structure
Attempts to propose solutions for each identified problem, showing a structured approach.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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