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Band 5

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #beings
In
this
 day and age, there are lots of animal species which have
Correct article usage
a risks
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risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
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to disappear
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of disappearing
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 in the world
by
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due to
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 human impacts.
Therefore
, some individuals suppose that the government should have policies to save these
animals
 from dying out,
while
 others assume we should focus on the problems of human beings. I believe the benefit of human development outweighs animal saving
by
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for
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 the following reasons.
Firstly
, it is readily apparent that the number of
animals
 is failing to follow
by
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with
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 time so the biodiversity is
also
 reduced and the main reason is the development of
human
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humans
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. If
the
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apply
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governments and individuals do not have solutions to protect wildlife, there will be more
animals
 being extinct in the future.
By
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For
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 the above reasons, it is very necessary to protect animal species.
For example
, there are plenty of animal organizations, which are established in the world.
On the other hand
, humans still suffer lots of problems, especially
developing
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in developing
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countries
. People live in difficult conditions, which lack simple
standard
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standards
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such
 as
foods
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food
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, water and accommodations.
In addition
, people face
to
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apply
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terrible natural disasters, diseases and pandemics, which are the cause of
millions
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millions of
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 deaths annually.
Therefore
,
countries
 should invest in advancing
living
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the living
show examples
 standards of citizens. From my point of view, there are a number of poor
countries
 in the world, where residents suffer from famine and lack simple conditions.
Therefore
, we should invest in those
countries
 to progress their life.
Besides
, we should
also
 pay affordable for saving wildlife to maintain biodiversity. In conclusion, saving
animals
 and promoting humans are problems which the government and individuals should focus on. In
this
, the human factor must be given priority.
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task achievement
Expand on relevant examples to strengthen main arguments. For instance, provide more specific details about how conservation policies can impact biodiversity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme and that ideas flow logically to build a coherent argument.
task achievement
Provides a balanced discussion on both viewpoints regarding animal conservation and human issues.
coherence cohesion
Includes a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
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