Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #beings

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this

day and age, there are lots of animal species which have

Correct article usage

a risks

show examples

risks

Fix the agreement mistake

risk

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to disappear

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of disappearing

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in the world

Change preposition

due to

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human impacts.

Therefore

, some individuals suppose that the government should have policies to save these

animals

from dying out,

while

others assume we should focus on the problems of human beings. I believe the benefit of human development outweighs animal saving

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for

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the following reasons.

Firstly

, it is readily apparent that the number of

animals

is failing to follow

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with

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time so the biodiversity is

also

reduced and the main reason is the development of

human

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humans

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. If

the

Correct article usage

apply

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governments and individuals do not have solutions to protect wildlife, there will be more

animals

being extinct in the future.

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For

show examples

the above reasons, it is very necessary to protect animal species.

For example

, there are plenty of animal organizations, which are established in the world.

On the other hand

, humans still suffer lots of problems, especially

developing

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in developing

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countries

. People live in difficult conditions, which lack simple

standard

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standards

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such

foods

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food

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, water and accommodations.

In addition

, people face

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apply

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terrible natural disasters, diseases and pandemics, which are the cause of

millions

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millions of

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deaths annually.

Therefore

countries

should invest in advancing

living

Correct article usage

the living

show examples

standards of citizens. From my point of view, there are a number of poor

countries

in the world, where residents suffer from famine and lack simple conditions.

Therefore

, we should invest in those

countries

to progress their life.

Besides

, we should

also

pay affordable for saving wildlife to maintain biodiversity. In conclusion, saving

animals

and promoting humans are problems which the government and individuals should focus on. In

this

, the human factor must be given priority.

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task achievement

Expand on relevant examples to strengthen main arguments. For instance, provide more specific details about how conservation policies can impact biodiversity.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme and that ideas flow logically to build a coherent argument.

task achievement

Provides a balanced discussion on both viewpoints regarding animal conservation and human issues.

coherence cohesion

Includes a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

biodiversity
cascading effects
economic impacts
ecosystem
endangered species
environmental conservation
human welfare
moral duty
preserve
sustainable practices
habitats
interconnected
extinction
advocates
opponents
priority

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Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In a number of counties, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

People say it is the responsibility of the residents to keep the environment clean and tidy while others think it is the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion with examples.