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Band 5

Logging of the rain forests is a serious problem and it may lead to the extiction of animal life and human life. Do you agree or disagree?

#rain #forests #extiction #life
Deforestation is becoming
awidely
Correct your spelling
a widely
widely
 popular for numerous reasons and assets.
However
, it is becoming the cause of various issues for not only
humankinds
Correct your spelling
humankind
humankind's
 but
also
 for animals. I fully agree with
this
 statement.
Although
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
this
 practice may not be instant but would be devastating for the whole planet.
Firstly
, chopping off forests may be beneficial
temporary
Change the word
temporarily
show examples
.
However
, damage
due to
this
 is permanent and scary for the upcoming generations.
As forests
Correct word choice
Forests
show examples
 are considered as lungs of the earth.
For instance
, if a number of
forest
Change to a plural noun
forests
show examples
 are cleared, there will be
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
show examples
 of oxygen, more depletion of
ozone
Correct article usage
the ozone
show examples
 layer eventually
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the temerature
show examples
temerature
Correct your spelling
temperature
 of the earth, melting glaciers and increasing water
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 resulting into vanishing various countries.
Hence
, leading to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 end of
Correct article usage
the humans
show examples
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 and
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 era.
Secondly
, there may be many advantages of
this
 practice to people. Since wood obtained is used to satisfy
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 needs
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cleared spaces witness
formation
Correct article usage
the formation
show examples
 of buildings, stadiums and airports which
further
 add up
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the economy of the country.
For example
, country X is collapsing various
woodland
Fix the agreement mistake
woodlands
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for its development and growth,
such
 as building more and more
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
 centres and entertainment pursuits for people and
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 to raise GDP.
Thus
, it can be seen destruction of jungles is proving magnificent for many.
To conclude
,
it is clear that
may
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 be destruction of
planations
Correct your spelling
plantations
show examples
 is actually a big no for the planet, even though mass is getting some positive results
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
short
Add an article
the short
a short
show examples
 term.
Therefore
, cutting down wood can be considered a serious problem for all living beings.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide a more balanced view by addressing both the negative and positive impacts of deforestation more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs for better coherence.
grammar and lexis
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
task achievement
Clear stance at the beginning of the essay.
task achievement
Appropriate use of examples to support points.
coherence cohesion
Presence of introduction and conclusion which frame the essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable
  • ecosystem
  • carbon emissions
  • indigenous communities
  • sustainable forest management
  • desertification
  • ecological balance
  • water cycle
  • carbon dioxide absorption
  • habitat destruction
  • environmental degradation
  • climate change impact
  • economic losses
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