IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

International travelers can cause problems in the countries to which they travel. On the other hand, international travelers can bring real advantages with them. Do the problems international travelers cause greater than the advantages they bring?

From some
people
Use synonyms
's perspective,
tourists
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 can be rude, too vulgar, or probably just
wrecking
Correct the spelling
wreaking
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 havoc wherever they go. Yet, most
people
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 still
welcomes
Change the verb form
welcome
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 them with open arms.
This
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 essay will elucidate both the reasons behind those negative sentiments and what kind of benefits
tourists
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 will bring. The primary factor for
this
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 sentiment is, of course, the cultural differences of every country. Take
Bali
Use synonyms
for example
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,
people
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was
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were
show examples
 not used to beers and bikinis on the beach until the
tourists
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 came from Australia and any other countries that
come
Wrong verb form
came
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 after
such
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 as Japanese, Europeans, etc. It was a culture shock for The Balinese, yet as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 by they started to get used to it.
Moreover
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, as
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Bali
Change noun form
Bali's
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transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 infrastructure is not as well developed as other cities,
tourists
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 are allowed to rent
Add an article
a motorbike
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motorbike
Fix the agreement mistake
motorbikes
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 for use of transportation.
This
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 is causing quite a huge stir of problems since some of the renters
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
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 even have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 license to drive a motorbike
to begin
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 with. Violations
such
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 as breaking the red lights, parking
wherever that's prohibited, and speeding too much
Add the comma(s)
, wherever that's prohibited, and speeding too much,
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 are sometimes too common to see in
Bali
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 these days.
Although
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, despite all the problems that
occurs
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occur
show examples
, there are still greater benefits to be obtained.
Tourist's
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Tourist
show examples
 spending is the main drive for
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Bali
Change noun form
Bali's
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 economic growth.
Additionally
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, the cultural exchange that was brought with it
also
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improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
Bali
Use synonyms
's value as it widen the horizon of anyone who visits. For starters, most of the natives these days are able to speak more than one foreign language quite fluently. The most common language that they were fluent
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 is likely to be English and Japanese. All things considered, to reap more benefits rather than reaping more recurring problems,
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 intervention is crucial. There
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be a strict law and
this
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 law should be communicated to the
people
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 who have any intention to
visits
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visit
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. Both the
policy making
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policy-making
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 and the law enforcement should
be
Verb problem
go
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 hand in hand to make a safe and comfortable place for international travelling.

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement. Though your essay is well-structured, make sure every point you make clearly ties back to the main argument. For example, mention how tourists might directly affect cultural perception rather than only implying it.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking sentences and paragraphs with more transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas. This will make your essay more cohesive. For example, words like 'however,' 'therefore,' or 'subsequently' can guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
task response
Your introduction successfully sets up the argument of the essay and shows an understanding of both the positive and negative aspects of international travel.
task response
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Bali, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. This organization helps the reader follow your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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