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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

#places #world #tourism #source #income
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Some individuals believe that a lot of areas on Earth depend on
tourism
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 as a key source of income.
However
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,
tourism
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 can
also
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 cause problems if it is not managed in the right way.
This
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 essay will explore both the benefits and drawbacks of
tourism
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 and why the
advantages
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 of
tourism
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 outweigh its disadvantages. First and foremost, the main
advantages
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 of
tourism
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 are the economic growth in some
countries
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. It means that
tourism
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 can be used as a source of income to develop
countries
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' economies.
For instance
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,
countries
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such
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 as Kazakhstan, which is one of the most economically developed
countries
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 in the world because they have well-developed
tourism
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.
Moreover
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, another advantage of
tourism
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 is cultural development. In fact, the tourists who come to the
country
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 can increase the popularity of traditional or cultural aspects of the
country
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.
For example
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, the culture of Japan, which was known by the whole world because of tourists. Turning to the other side of the argument,
tourism
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 can
also
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 have a negative impact on the environment of the
country
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. Because a lot of visitors do not care about the nature of the other
country
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. The prime example of
this
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 is scientific research, which is written about the environment of India. In
this
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 research, scientists discovered that India has millions of visitors per month,
although
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 because of that, they are the most dirty
country
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 in the world.
Although
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 the drawbacks of the tours are not significant, they are easily manageable with the right strategies and do not overshadow the
advantages
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. In conclusion, the
advantages
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 of
tourism
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 are always better than their disadvantages because of economic growth and cultural development.
Submitted by Кожадаргулов on

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task achievement
Ensure that examples are factually accurate, such as verifying claims about the economic status of countries like Kazakhstan.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralizations or unsupported claims, like 'India is the most dirty country in the world.'
coherence cohesion
Further elaborate on how the economic benefits uniquely apply to certain countries; provide more detailed comparisons or statistical data.
coherence cohesion
Present a more nuanced perspective in the conclusion to show balanced evaluation.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, aiding structured reading.
task achievement
Expresses the idea that economic and cultural benefits potentially outweigh the drawbacks, cornerstone for logical argument development.
task achievement
Illustrates concepts with specific country examples, making arguments tangible and concrete.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable tourism
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • hospitality industry
  • tourist influx
  • cultural commodification
  • ecological footprint
  • economic diversification
  • carrying capacity
  • cultural sensitivity
  • destination marketing
  • travel advisories
  • visitor management
  • impact assessment
  • tourism revenues
  • authentic experience
  • visitor satisfaction
  • conservation efforts
  • seasonal fluctuation
  • social sustainability
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