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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child’s development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#factors #child’s #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
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Some individuals believe that nowadays
children
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's
development
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 is mainly affected by
friends
Use synonyms
, media and pop culture.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 play the most important role in
children
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's
development
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.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and end with
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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 opinion. First and foremost, a lot of
children
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 spend their time talking with their
friends
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 and being in pop culture. Because of that, these factors can affect
children
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's behaviour and
development
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. When teenagers talk with
friends
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, they take the same aspects of their
friends
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 and keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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.
For instance
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, scientific research shows that the mindset of students from common school develops from an early stage and can remain unchanged in the future because of their
friends
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, media and pop culture.
However
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, some people think that the key factor that can affect
children
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's
development
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 is their
parents
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 and family because
parents
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 teach them how to behave in public from
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
birth. Because of that, the mindset of most of the teenagers is the same as their
parents
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' mindset. A prime example of
this
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 is a book which is called Tree. In
this
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book
Add a comma
book,
show examples
 Author tries to find similarities between
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 and their grandparents, and he successfully finds that almost all people who have grandparents have similar mindsets. In conclusion, after having weighed everything mentioned , it can be said that the debate over the two statements is complex. From my perspective, I believe that the main factor that affects
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a child is their
parents
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 because
children
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 learn everything from their
parents
Use synonyms
 at earlier ages.
Submitted by Кожадаргулов on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and references to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is well-explored.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion effectively summarize and articulate the essay’s main argument.
task achievement
The essay competently discusses and evaluates both perspectives on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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