IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out of work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table illustrates gives information about customer spending of various things in Ireland , Italy, Spain,
Swedan
Correct your spelling
Sweden
 and Turkey in 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, Turkey
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large percentage of given five
countries
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
,
drinks
Use synonyms
,
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
leisure
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
. In Italy, clothing,
Use synonyms
footwear
Correct word choice
and footwear
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 high level into those
countries
Use synonyms
. Ireland was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place among the states with 28.91% of
food
Use synonyms
,
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
. Spending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 clothing and
footwear
Use synonyms
 was 6.43% and
leisure
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 was 2.21%. spent by customers of Italy was 16.36%
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
Use synonyms
,
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, clothing and
footwear
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 at the highest level compared to others.
Leisure
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 3.20% of spending in Italy. In Spain, consumer spending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
Use synonyms
,
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
 was an average amount. Clothing and
footwear
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
fewer than others.
Customers
Change noun form
Customers'
Customer's
show examples
 spending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 was the least. Spending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
Use synonyms
,
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
 in Sweden was 15.77% and clothing and
footwear
Use synonyms
 was 5.49%. consumer spending on
leisure
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 in
Swedan
Correct your spelling
Sweden
 was 3.22%. Turkey was in the leading position among the
countries
Use synonyms
. Spending on
food
Use synonyms
,
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
leisure
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 was
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest percentage in the given year. The level of use of clothing and
footwear
Use synonyms
 was second among all
countries
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. It currently lacks a clear, summarizing conclusion to tie all information together.
cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that transitions between ideas and sections are smooth. Avoid abrupt changes in points or examples without appropriate linking phrases.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples or statistics to support your descriptions and claims about the data presented in the table. This will strengthen the task achievement score.
task achievement
The essay successfully attempts to describe and compare spending patterns across five countries, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
organization
The writer uses a consistent format in discussing each country's spending habits, which adds to the essay’s clarity and organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: