IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Before
university
Use synonyms
, some young humans who graduated high school, are encouraged to
work
Use synonyms
 or vocation. From my point of view,
people
Use synonyms
 who want to go to
university
Use synonyms
 can gain a lot of experience
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will present that the
year
Use synonyms
 gives seeing new places or earning money for
university
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, after the gap
year
Use synonyms
 some
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to come back to
education
Use synonyms
 and maybe they are thinking of losing time. In the gap
year
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 who want to go to
university
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 different jobs if they want a comfortable
education
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the fact that today
education
Use synonyms
 after high school is really expensive for many
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, travelling can cause seeing new places.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, the view of
life
Use synonyms
 is changed.
According to
Linking Words
 some surveys,
people
Use synonyms
 who travel around the world before
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 at 60% more successful than others.
This
Linking Words
 illustrates to us that taking a rest before
university
Use synonyms
 is indeed one of the best ways to achieve goals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking a rest before
university
Use synonyms
 can have some negative side effects for young
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if young
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 different jobs or take a vocation, they may
don't
Verb problem
not
show examples
 want to go to
university
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, They will not reach their aims for future
life
Use synonyms
. Even if
people
Use synonyms
 who want
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 lose their ambition to study, they may think of throwing away their time.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they are really stressful all of their
life
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, In my opinion, young
people
Use synonyms
 should go
Change preposition
on vocation
show examples
vocation
Correct your spelling
vacation
show examples
 or
work
Use synonyms
 a job that they want, before
university
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that there are many economic and psychological pons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it.
However
Linking Words
, there may be some cons to
this
Linking Words
 gap
year
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as lost
education
Use synonyms
 ambition and lost time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, pay attention to the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, using linking words more effectively can help the essay flow more naturally and connect ideas better.
task achievement
For task achievement, your essay does cover the advantages and disadvantages, but try to support your points with more specific examples and data.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the topic and your perspective from the start.
task achievement
You address both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced approach to the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: