Some schools have restricted the ude o f mobile phones. Is this a positve development or a negative development. Give reasons for your answer and include any example fro your own knowledge or experience.

The
phone
only communicated things but almost all
students
seen
Wrong verb form
saw
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
popularity for
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
the
phone
do
Verb problem
is
show examples
not
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
a
school
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
there are
students
focusing on
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
not listen to lessons. They take a photograph in
school
they do not know fault. They just want to have fun but they do not care fault or other people do not like
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
photo
Fix the agreement mistake
photos
show examples
. The teacher
tell
Change the verb form
tells
show examples
us
for do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
a
phone
in
school
but they do not care. Maybe
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
do not use a
phone
in
school
.
School
is isolated for communication
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
outside. The
phone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a a lot of applications for fun and all applications
remarkable
Add a missing verb
are remarkable
show examples
so the student
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to upload
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
ıt
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
addictive properties.
Students
become addicted to
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
For example
, recently so popular
phone
game
is
Verb problem
called
show examples
candy
crash sugar
Correct your spelling
Crash Sugar
show examples
the
game
is very
popularity
Replace the word
popular
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
all people. The
students
only focus on the
game
so they do not care
school
Change preposition
about school
show examples
lessons. They stayed up late to pass the chapter so they feel sleepy all day. That
game
was replaced by multiple games afterwards but
this
is
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
not solved for
students
or parents. Parents should
be control
Change the verb form
control
show examples
their children because education starts at home. If your children do not listen to you, they do not listen to their teachers either. There should be a locker at the
enterance
Correct your spelling
entrance
of the
school
and
students
should turn off their phones and put them there before entering
school
.
Submitted by kubrairmak287 on

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structure
Improve the introduction and conclusion sections to clearly state your position and summarize your main points.
structure
Ensure your arguments are logically structured with clear transitions between points for better flow.
content
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments and strengthen your task response.
content
Clarify your main ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and understandable for the reader.
content
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing the potential distractions that mobile phones present in schools.
clarity
There is a clear opinion stated about mobile phones in schools, which is maintained throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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