Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Primary
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The primary
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level is
nascent
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a nascent
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stage in a
kids
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kid's
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life. It's the time
where
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when
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children are more receptive and open to
learn
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learning
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great
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a great
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many things. Experts say that it is the right time to expose
kids
with different hobbies or
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
as it will be quicker for the
kids
to pick up. There are people with the opinion that
kids
should focus on science and technology right from the start
however
for others, music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects. Music, arts, drama and sports
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
kids
develop their personality. It helps them break out of their shell. We
also
must remember that not everyone has
interest
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an interest
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or acumen for science or arts. Exposure to all these subjects equally will help provide students
a
Add the preposition
with a
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foundation to start from,
also
Correct word choice
and also
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to know where their
stregth
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strength
lies. Considering
this
, I agree with the statement that all
the
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apply
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subjects should be given equal importance
especially
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, especially
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at
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
level.
Submitted by outpost.03.cameo on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to illustrate your points, which could help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure varied sentence structures to improve the overall flow and make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for discussing your points.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument, which helps in building a persuasive argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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